Shore Leave
by ThePandoricaWillOpen
Summary: When Shore Leave comes around, Captain Kirk and Commander Spock beam down to the planet to explore. Little did they know that the planet was designed to grant any and all desires that a person may have. Soon they find themselves in a heap of trouble.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Shore Leave

Fandom: Star Trek: Reboot/Star Trek: TOS

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><p>Beta: OhSlashy<p>

All Remaining Mistakes are mine :)

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><p>They arrived at a seemingly congenial planet in the Omicron Delta system on Stardate 3025.3, with little disturbance on the way. Spock was on conn for the moment and Captain Kirk had stepped out to see Doctor McCoy and Lieutenant Sulu beam down to the planet surface with some of the other crewmembers in order to investigate the planet. Spock took careful readings of the planet's surface and, after concurring with other crewmembers, found that the planet held no humanoid life. It was virtually empty except for the flora that could be seen from the planet's surface; so Earth-like that many crewmembers had begun to reminisce about their previous lives. Spock had no such thoughts as he made his way back to his station, stopping only when the Captain stepped out of the turbo lift and sat in the Command chair.<p>

Spock sat in his seat after a brief nod of acknowledgement towards Jim who grinned at him before turning his chair to speak to a young Yeoman. The Yeoman was assigned temporarily while Yeoman Rand was recuperating from a 'cold' that she'd refused to have treated by Doctor McCoy. It seemed illogical to Spock that one should refuse medical care for something as contagious as a viral infection. He took note to limit his exposure to the Yeoman and stood up to report his findings to the Captain.

The Captain was signing on the PADD the Yeoman had and, seeing Spock out of the corner of his eye, pushed the PADD towards her and turned to the Vulcan. In turning, Spock heard the slight crack of bones closely associated with mild discomfort and soreness that was a result of the Captain's activities of the previous night, fencing with the agile Mr. Sulu. Spock raised an eyebrow at the Captain, still standing behind him, as he winced and began to explain himself.

Yeoman Barrows, in an attempt to help the Captain, began to massage his back while Spock stood behind the Captain's chair, face black and fist clenched behind his back. The captain moaned and directed the Yeoman in the massage's direction before moaning again and leaning forward on his elbows.

"Umm," The Captain moaned. "a little to the left. Yes, right there, Mr. Spock."

Spock arched his eyebrow once more, this time in amusement, and took a step to the side of the chair where Jim would be able to see him. Apparently, the Captain thought it was Spock who was massaging his back. Which was highly illogical; touch telepaths avoided as much physical contact as possible. The moment Spock moved to the side, Jim stopped moaning and straightened up in alarm. He turned slowly, a scowl evident on his face, and thanked the Yeoman, dismissing her without another glace. His eyes were directly on Spock, he could feel them on the side of his face but wasn't about to let any amusement seep through. And it was amusement he felt as he tried to suppress a smile as the rest of crew looked at one another before laughing silently.

"All right!" The Captain yelled. "Get back to work."

Spock turned to the Captain then, his face blank of any expressions and relayed the information he, and others on the bridge, had found regarding the planet they orbited. He faced the Captain, although his eyes never looked at him, and told him everything they knew and answered any questions he had. Jim didn't say anything about Spock's behavior, but once Spock had returned back to his science station, he gave him a long hard stare, one that Spock logically chose to ignore.

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><p>Few things made James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the U.S.S Enterprise embarrassed. Getting nerves pinched by a Vulcan from behind, or getting choked out by said Vulcan in a very suggestive position, or even getting forced to think of world ending consequences by said Vulcan only 129 years older... no problem. Moaning out your First Officer's name while getting a back rub from a Yeoman... a very BIG problem.<p>

How could he have mistaken those small, frail, weak hands on his back for the hands of his Vulcan First Officer? How could he have, almost by accident, revealed that he did indeed want to be touched by said Vulcan? Were his mental capacities that weak that he naturally assumed that, after expressing pain, a _Vulcan_ (that should have been his first clue) would revert to his human half and actually _touch_ him as to make him feel better? It was all, as Spock would say, illogical.

After getting the crew, who were giggling amongst themselves, back to work and receiving a few glares from Uhura, he waited for the blush that had most likely crept along his face to disappear. It returned not long after when Spock, who had – for the longest time, Jim noticed – been standing next to him, turned to debrief him on his findings. Their eyes never met and for once, Jim found himself glad of that. Should the half Vulcan look him in the eye he could not be sure what his reaction might be. Spock, a professional to the end, relayed everything the crew had found and patiently waited for questions or orders. Jim had very little to ask; the planet was practically Eden.

Spock nodded and returned to his station, graceful as a cat and without another word or look at Jim. He stared at the back of Spock's head for the longest time, well aware that some of the bridge crew could be watching, trying to figure out what had happened. Spock ignored him, as he generally did, and eventually Jim returned to whatever it was he was supposed to do, which he still hadn't really figured out. As Captain he had duties but most of the time all he did was get hand cramps from signing so many PADD's, a sore throat from recording the captain's log and a headache from staring into the viewing screen or the back of everyone's head. For such a precious position, it was all rather boring.

The exciting part came down on the planets surface. Most of the time, the away party would consist of himself, Spock, McCoy or Sulu and a few security members. Most of the time they split up and, much to his pleasure and without ever having agreed on it, Spock and Jim would team up. Sometimes McCoy would tag along, sometimes he wouldn't. But it was those few acts of rebellion (all three high ranking officers leaving the Enterprise alone and not to mention Jim _somehow _always left the conn to Chekov) that were the highlight of his day. Not to mention seeing his-_the –_Vulcan First Officer at work (his hands carefully calibrating the tricorder, his mind calculating risk factors while simultaneously keeping record of everything they were seeing) was just fascinating.

There were no further confrontations between the two men-it all ended when they saved Earth from Nero's crazy, destructive stunt. Jim would always feel responsible, in part, for not destroying the drill in Vulcan fast enough. He would always have the mental image of Spock beaming back up, his hand out stretched towards his mother who, along with several billion others, died along with the Vulcan planet. The moment Spock materialized, Jim had the strangest feeling in his chest; that was, he suspected, the moment everything changed. Well, not to mention being marooned on Delta Vega; almost being eaten alive by a strange spider lobster creature; meeting Spock Prime; beaming aboard a vessel going at warp speed; emotionally compromising a Vulcan and being choked out by the Vulcan... just to name a few things off the top of his head. At away missions, they worked in perfect harmony, almost to the point of moving in synch. They were, as Bones would joke, almost like twins. They shared a single thought and that was to keep the other safe. A perfect, but complicated dynamic that up to now worked with efficiency. On board, however, things were much different. They remained 'twins' in emergencies, but during boring, run of the mill missions when everything was tedious, things got tense.

Jim had a tendency for innuendoes and practical jokes, both of which Spock could not, or would not, grasp. He couldn't wrap his half-Vulcan mind around the fact that Jim was bored about 90% of the time and that he, as a perfect straight man not to mention _Vulcan_, made a great jokes even better. Sometimes, if he looked long enough, Jim would see the faint sign of a smile forming in those beautifully green blushed lips that would, the moment it began to take form, be suppressed quickly. And that was one of the reasons why things got tense. Jim would flirt with anything and anyone, no matter what gender or race, and that included Spock. The Vulcan who, as he said many, many times, did not appreciate being 'sexually harassed or propositioned' and, Jim suspected, especially disliked being made fun of. He never took things to heart however, because sometimes that faint smile would appear and Jim's day was satisfied.

This mission was one of those, and he was about to get up when Uhura informed him that Doctor McCoy was on the comm. And that was around the time things went to shit.

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><p>"SULU!" McCoy screamed over his shoulder at the young Lieutenant who was crouched down examining some flowers. McCoy's eyes looked to the path in which the girl, who'd just past right by him, had gone. Gone after a talking rabbit with a vest who, according to what he told McCoy, was late. Sulu came running to his side, his hand reaching out to McCoy's arm and asked what was wrong. "Did you see them? Did you?" McCoy asked pointing to the path. "The girl and the rabbit?"<p>

"I don't see anything," Sulu said looking towards the path as well. "What are you talking about? I don't see anything?"

McCoy just stared, unblinking at the narrow passage of trees, his mind trying to figure out what it was that he'd seen. He must have been going crazy - yeah that was it - and it was all part of his imagination. Yes, he reasoned, the stress has finally gotten to me.

"What's the matter, Doc?" Sulu asked concerned.

McCoy shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts and said, "I need to contact the Enterprise. I need a rest, I think I'm seeing things..."

He took out his communicator and, after blinking a few times, contacted the Enterprise. Spock was sure to make fun of him, in his Vulcan way, but he had a duty to report what he saw and by God he just had to report the large white rabbit with the vest and the small blond girl chasing after it.

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><p>Jim was sitting down, his hands clasped together in front of him and eyes tired as he looked at his departing Yeoman with annoyance. Why did that woman always want to baby him so darn much? Did he look that tired that she thought he needed taking care of?<p>

When Spock came into view, right after the Yeoman left, Jim straightened up and tried his hardest not to blush. The memory of this morning's incident was fresh on his mind, and likely Spock's as well since he had an eidetic memory. As Spock came to attention by his desk, one hand behind his back, the other holding a PADD, Jim couldn't help but wish that those hands would... Think Captain-like thoughts, he chastised himself, now is NOT the time!

"Mr Spock, we're beaming down the starboard section. Which section would you like to go with?" Jim asked.

"Not necessary in my case, Captain," Spock replied. Jim turned to Spock, a smile on his face. Spock could be so stubborn sometimes. "On my planet, 'to rest' is to rest: to stop using energy. To me, it is quite illogical, to run up and down on green grass using energy instead of saving it."

Uhura's voice rang out throughout the intercom and connected him to Bones who had been down on the planet's surface for quite a while now. What Bones told him, and Spock by proxy, was unbelievable. A white rabbit with a gold watch and a vest followed by a little blond girl disappearing through a hole in a hedge was just the sort of thing that made Jim sometimes wish he had a traditional 9 to 5 day job. Sometimes space was too much, too vast and too empty. And sometimes, perfectly normal men would loose their minds. Sometimes even the sanest - though Bones wasn't exactly the most stable man he knew - would succumb to space madness.

Spock had an eyebrow raised, his lips on the verge of becoming a full-blown smile, when Jim cut off the link to Bones and turned to him. Jim stood and stretched out his tired muscles. His back was hurting, badly, but he wasn't about to admit it out loud - especially not to Spock, who was sure to go straight to Bones and tag team him into taking a break. Spock did that sometimes, go behind his back to the Doctor when Jim got too stubborn and refused to let Bones know what was wrong.

"He wants me to beam down," Jim told Spock with an unbidden groan. "I'm afraid I won't take the bait."

"Very well, Captain," Spock said with a short nod. "Something I did come to discuss."

"Yes," Jim prompted. "What is it, Mr Spock?"

"I picked this up from Doctor McCoy's log," Spock said looking at the PADD he had in his hand. Jim moved to get a look at the PADD but Spock wouldn't let him, he merely continued explaining. "We have a crew member aboard showing signs of stress and fatigue- reaction time down 9-12%, associational reading norm minus 3."

Jim tried to think of whom Spock was referring too. Bones maybe, Uhura, or even Scotty who never, like himself, took a break. But their work wasn't suffering; they were still the same people as always after their shifts, so it couldn't be them.

"That's much too low a rating," Jim said softly as he continued to think of who it might be.

"He's becoming irritable and quarrelsome, yet he refuses to take rest and rehabilitation. He has the right to refuse but-"

"No," Jim interrupted. "His rights end when hazard to this ship begins. Now, that man will go ashore on my orders. What's his name?"

Spock looked just a bit smug as he looked down at his PADD and back up to Jim. "His name is ... James Kirk. Enjoy yourself, Captain."

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><p>"Damn blasted, smart fucking Vulcan," Jim whispered to himself as he made his way around his quarters. He was pacing back and forth, awaiting his Yeoman, with a furious pace. He was the Captain of this beauty and his First Officer had outwitted him. "I should've known he'd do something like this, he's been spending time with Bones."<p>

When his Quarters rung, a sign that someone was awaiting entrance, he stopped pacing and sighed. _Just because Captain Kirk is on shore leave, doesn't mean James T. Kirk is._ He'd ordered his Yeoman to get as much paperwork as she could to keep himself busy. _That will show, Spock!_ When the doors hissed open he was surprised to find Spock entering his quarters, not his Yeoman.

"Captain," Spock said with a nod of his head. "I came to apologize for my trickery and to ask you for what purpose do you need all this paperwork?" Spock held up a PADD and looked at Jim pointedly.

"I... I decided to take your advice and so what Vulcan's do," Jim explained. His mind was trying to remember what exactly Spock had said earlier about shore leave. "To cease using energy and rest, isn't that what you said?"

"Doing paperwork is not restful, Jim," Spock replied putting the PADD down on Jim's desk. Jim was about to reply when he realized that Spock had used his first name. He never used his first name. _Man, he must be really worried about me, then._

"Perhaps you're right, Spock." Jim walked over to the Vulcan and sighed. "Maybe I've been too strung up lately, tired, and I deserve a shore leave but so do you. You work twice, three times as hard as anyone on board this vessel. Its amazing that you haven't passed out of exhaustion."

"As a Vulcan-"

"Yes, you don't have to sleep as much as humans, I remember." Jim shook his head and gave him a levelled look. "I also seem to recall your being half Vulcan half Human... meaning one part of you needs as much rest as the rest of us, does it not?"

Spock seemed to consider that before, reluctantly, nodding. His eyebrows rose in what Jim could only call amusement before speaking. "What do you propose I do, Captain?" Jim couldn't help the smile that spread through his features as he clapped Spock on the shoulder and turning to leave.

"We're going on vacation, Mr. Spock," Jim said as he leaned down to get his communicator and inform his Yeoman she was no longer needed. Who needed a Yeoman when he had a tall, dark, and handsome Vulcan waiting for orders?

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><p>Yeoman Barrows stood outside the Captain's quarters, her finger poised to push the bell on the wall. Her hands held three different PADD's, each with different request from different sections of the Ship. Why they couldn't they just put their requests on one single PADD she didn't know. She pushed the little button and waited for the doors to open. When they hissed open, she stepped inside where Mr Spock was patiently standing by the desk while the Captain looked around his desk for something.<p>

"Oh, there you are, Yeoman!" Captain Kirk exclaimed as she made her way to his desk. Mr Spock moved off to the side letting her through, his posture a bit stiff, his eyes never leaving that of the Captain's. Barrows sighed internally. How could they not realize how perfect they were for each other? Did they not see the look of longing they each had for the other? Where they that blind?

"You will not be needed today, Yeoman," Spock said behind her as she placed the PADD's on the desk. "You may take shore leave with the rest of the crew at your assigned location."

She looked at Captain Kirk for confirmation. He shrugged and nodded apologetically. She nodded in return and said, "Very well. Have a good time, Captain. You too, Mr Spock." She exited without further comment, walking to the turbolift with a smile on her face. It was going to happen! They were finally realizing what they meant to each other!


	2. Chapter 2

Spock watched as the young yeoman walked out of the captain's quarters, a smile threatening to appear on her face, before returning his gaze to the captain. Jim was staring at the PADD's on his desk with a smile on his face. Without having to look, Spock would guess that he was reading a request from Commander Scott, although guessing would be illogical. The commander always had strange request such as peanut butter to 'increase efficiency' and scotch to 'help motivate' the engineers. Usually Spock would intercept those request and decline before passing it on to Jim because he knew that Jim would approve the request simply to annoy the Admiralty. Spock guessed was proven correct as Jim sat down on his desk chair and let out a bellow of laughter, holding up the PADD for Spock to see.

"Scottie wants to some bottles of Romulan ale and non-replicated strawberry jelly to 'conduct an experiment regarding-"

"-the state of an engineers mind under the influence," Spock finished reading. If he wasn't Vulcan he would've rolled his eyes at the engineers lame attempt at getting an illegal substance.

The strawberry jelly was just another one of his strange request, one of which Spock felt bad for declining. He knew strawberry jelly was an earth delicacy, and he used that word lightly, and, according to Doctor McCoy, it helped the engineer miss home just a bit less. Spock could understand, he himself had brought on board many Vulcan candles that reminded him of his now destroyed planet and a few vanilla smelling candles that reminded him of his mother who was also now gone, thanks to the maniac known as Nero.

When he meditated, the burning candles helped him to, in someway, feel connected to his deceased mother, and destroyed planet. His shattered bonds with both had left him feeling empty and alone but during those few hours a day he spent meditating, organizing his mind, he felt them with him. Sometimes he blamed his half human heritage for giving him emotions that would surface quicker than any Vulcan's. He hated coming out of a session because he'd been crying too much. He hated the feeling as he pulled out of a session and blew out the candle because that meant that for the next few hours that gaping hole in his chest would reappear.

However, Commander Scott had no such reasons for requesting familiar things from his home planet. Spock had overheard the engineer talking to Ensign Chekov about making a 'good old fashion' peanut butter and jelly sandwich 'by hand, like it was meant to be made'. And so that is why he kept on declining his requests week after week.

"Let him have it," Jim said, snapping Spock out of his thoughts. "We're on shore leave and he never leaves the ship. Let him have his jelly and ale, not Romulan though, so he can have his own shore leave later."

"Why does engineer Scott refuse to leave the ship?" Spock asked returning the PADD, after signing off on the request and changing the type of alcohol, to the captain. "And why do you not pressure him into leaving like you have done with me?"

"First off, I didn't pressure you into taking shore leave," Jim said standing up. "I just changed your mind. Secondly, Scottie doesn't leave the ship because the Enterprise is his baby. And third, I have tried to get him to leave but he just grumbles about being away the entire time."

"You would rather have me along than Mr Scott, captain?" Spock asked with a tinge of confusion. If he understood correctly, Commander Scott and Captain Kirk were very good friends. They ate lunch together, along with Doctor McCoy, and spoke as if they'd known each other for years even though he knew they'd met only a few months ago after Spock had stranded Jim on Delta Vega.

"Spock," Jim said exasperated as he walked around his desk to Spock. "You are my First Officer, the best First Officer in the whole fleet and you deserve a rest just like the rest of us. I need you rested and happy to keep making me look good to the admiralty."

"Indeed," was all Spock said, taking a step back from Jim.

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><p>The Vulcan walked next to Captain Kirk, his hands behind his back in a traditional at ease position, as they made their way to the transporter room. Jim wanted to make sure the planet was safe for everyone and being the only person allergic to 10 different things, he volunteered to beam down and scout the planet's surface. Illogical as it sounded, Spock found himself – after providing a few regulations that advised against Jim's actions – giving in the moment Jim's hand landed on his arm.<p>

"I'll be fine," the human said rubbing Spock's arm in what he could only guess was a calming gesture. "Besides, I'll have my very sexy First Officer there to protect me!"

Spock raised an eyebrow but said nothing. They beamed down the planet and immediately; Jim started to sneeze, causing Spock to almost have them beamed back up. But the human told him it was just the new planet saying 'hello, earthlings." A few minutes later, he began to feel dizzy but he assured Spock it was from all the walking. An hour on the planet and Jim was wheezing and breathing irregularly. But he was determined to stay and explore the planet and so, Spock remained.

Nearly two hours later and Spock was beginning to feel different. He stopped walking, letting Jim wander off on his own as he tried to find out what was wrong. He found nothing wrong with his internal temperature, his body functions were normal and nothing seemed out of the normal - except he was getting drowsy.

Two hours later they sat down and tried to report back to the Enterprise but couldn't. As Spock tried and failed to return communication to order, Captain Kirk fell asleep and so, strangely, so did Spock. He felt his eyes grow heavy and his mind cloud with sleep. Soon they were both asleep on the green grass together. They didn't even stir when a shadow approached them, standing over them with a grin on its face.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim's vision started to go out. His eyes were half-lidded, his body ready to fall out of the chair he currently inhabited. He felt a strange sense of déjà vu as he looked around the bar. He cradled his drink in between his hands, his eyes narrowing as he tried to remember where he was and how he had got there. He could remember... being on the Enterprise and beaming down with Spock...Spock! Jim looked around, alarmed. Where was his Vulcan First Officer?

And now he was in a crowded bar with many different species of aliens harbouring drinks between their paws, claws or other appendages and many more humans, all Star Fleet cadets judging by their uniforms, mingled amongst them. Jim didn't know what to do, stay or look for Spock. They were in another world after all. One moment he was side by side with Spock, walking after being beamed down, the next he was here, in a bar with a Scotch in his hand.

"Bullshit," he whispered to himself as a tall, caramel skinned woman walked to the bar to order drinks. "No freakin' way!"

It was Uhura, plain as day in her tight regulation red uniform. Her long hair swung behind her as she leaned into the bar, picking up a menu and began to order. How in the hell- Jim thought as he pinched his arm to try to wake himself up. He waited a moment and when nothing happened he leaned over the big alien dude and tried to remember what thickheaded words he'd said to her that first time they'd met.

"Make that a double," Jim said right on queue as the bartender began to move away. Uhura protested, saying the same thing as the last time. Jim tried not to roll his eyes; even in a possible dream Uhura was still an independent, headstrong young woman. She would make a good Captain, he thought to himself before shaking his head. Star Fleet wasn't ready for Captain Uhura just yet.

"What? They don't have last names in your world?" he asked trying to set his mind to the game at hand. Play it like before, nice and cool, he told himself.

"Uhura is my last name," she replied with the same annoyed tone. Oh, how things never change.

"Er- they don't have first names in your world?" he tried again. She turned away from the bar.

Jim stood up from his place, his eyes surveying the area for any sign of the Vulcan before sliding next to Uhura. Their arms briefly touched and he felt a small chill; this might be as close as he would get to touch Spock, as strange as that felt. Sure, he was Captain of the Enterprise and very hands-on but he respected his crewmembers and he knew Vulcans didn't liked to be touched. As touch telepaths, they shied away from it so he respected Spock's personal bubble. As much as he could... when he wasn't too interested in the feel of the First Officer's skin under his fingers.

Even though Spock and Uhura had broken up a while ago – two point five months ago to be exact, not that he was keeping a record – when he looked at Uhura he still had to wonder why. Why would she, if the rumours were correct, break up with him? After everything Spock had been through, she would just dump him the moment things got 'serious' for no apparent reason. Even with a reason how stupid was she to dump someone as unique and strong as the Vulcan. Jim saw no logic in that and he was sure Spock didn't either.

Jim played it cool, collected, and, even with his great acting skills, a little drunk. Uhura didn't seem to mind, they were in a bar after all, but it seemed to unnerve her. She looked about ready to run away and go tell her girl friends about him so they could laugh at his awful pick up lines. Which he wouldn't have minded; more time to look for Spock instead of replaying old memories.

"This townie bothering you?" A voice said behind them. If Jim liked one thing about Giotto, it was his timing.

"Beyond belief," Uhura replied snidely. "But it's nothing I can't handle."

Jim knew his line well; Giotto still hated him for the nickname. "Oh, relax, Cupcake," he said hitting Giotto's arm playfully, "I'm just having some fun." Oh, oh... That wasn't right.

"Fun?" Uhura replied. "Fun for who?"

"Get lost, townie," Giotto said sternly. "Look around, a room full of cadets and you. You don't belong here."

This time it wasn't Cupcake and his cabbage patch kids who threw the first punch, Jim did. And did it feel good! Or, it did until he felt himself thrown back against the bar, the wooden digging into his flesh. Quickly, he bounced back, throwing some punches here and there. His advantage: speed and the fact that they'd beaten him before. He could recall their exact moves, more or less; they threw and managed to avoid most hits. He even managed to avoid touching Uhura's breast... He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Just like last time, a loud whistle-stopped the fight and all heads turned to Captain Christopher Pike wearing his regulation black uniform. He commanded, in that friendly yet stern voice of his, everyone to get out before coming to stand by Jim.

"You can whistle really loud, you know that." Jim said, amazed at how repetitious he was sounding.

The Captain merely shook his head, a smile threatening to appear and turned to call to someone over his shoulder. Jim wouldn't have looked if wasn't for that scratching feeling in the back of his mind. A feeling he only got when Spock was around. He looked around Pike and stared open mouthed at Spock, dressed, like Pike, in regulation uniform. He strode into the room, calm, collected, and stood by the Captain, who was looking at him strangely.

Jim shut his jaw and looked away. Spock's presence was too much, even if he was trying to find him a few moments earlier. Those rich, dark eyes stared at him with absolutely no recognition- it hurt him to see no warmth in them, the warmth that he loved watching appear in Spock's human eyes. Human eyes that never judged or analysed what Jim did, merely accepted.

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><p>Spock stared back at the strange human. Who was he, this beat up man staring at him? Those startling blue eyes, so familiar yet so strange, looked at him with an almost pleadingly that Spock had seen only once during the dying of his beloved Sehlat. He'd asked his cousin, Selek, why I'Chaya had died but the Vulcan had merely explain that all things must come to an end. Finally, logic won and Spock gave up, I'Chaya was gone. Still, the pleading look he saw in the face of I'Chaya when he turned to the body of his Sehlat had stayed with him for many nights. The death of his precious pet and companion had further pushed him towards his Vulcan half.<p>

But, this human was neither familiar nor completely unknown. Somewhere, deep inside himself Spock could feel recognition spark as the fair-haired man sat down cradling a beer but never taking his eyes off him. Had they met before, perhaps briefly? Was he a student? Spock doubted that for he was in classes more to pass the time than to learn anything. Vulcan had taught him everything he needed to learn and he had quickly mastered the material upon entering the Academy. Unless the young man was extremely quiet or reserved, which Spock doubted, they would have, at one point, crossed paths.

"-want from me, man?" The man, Kirk, asked Pike. Spock realised his mind had been straying from the current situation and tried to centre himself, setting his eyes firmly away from Kirk and his blue eyes.

"Enlist in Star Fleet," Pike replied with what Spock recognised as the human emotion of hope.

Pike wanted Kirk to enlist, for what reason? The man seemed wild, angry and, not to mention, rude. Star Fleet had enough floaters as it was, Spock should know, he was tutoring most of them in what the academy called training for a 'science officer's duty aboard a Star Ship'. Spock didn't debate a science officer's duty but he often wondered what teaching a second year cadet basic navigational controls had to do with a science officer's duty.

Kirk looked away, laughing at the thought. Had be been capable of emotion, Spock would have laughed as well. Pike's high hopes for Kirk despite his earlier demeanour confused Spock. He refrained from questioning his mentor but when their conversation was over and the two men turned in synch to look at him, he raised an eyebrow.

"I apologise, Captain," Spock said. "I seem to have drifted off. May you repeat your comment, question or command."

"You drifted off?" Kirk asked alarmed. Spock took a step back when the human stood up, walking to his side an arm outstretched to touch him, probably in the forehead. Kirk was reaching to check his temperature much like his mother did back on Vulcan. It startled Spock to have a stranger bring up such memories from him. "Are you okay, Spock?"

"Oh, you two know each other?" Pike questioned also standing up.

"No," Spock answered in synch with Kirk's, "Yes."

"Well, which is it?" Pike asked confused before shaking his head a moment later. "Forget it. I don't want to know."

"If you did not wish to know, then why ask the question in the first place?"

"Yup, he's fine." Kirk said to himself. He smiled towards Pike before reaching over, taking a long sip of his beer, and walking toward the door.

"And where are you going?"

"Home," Kirk answered, pointing to the door and back at Pike. "We are done, aren't we?"

"If you change your mind, we'll-"

"I know," The young man interrupted, "I'll be there."

He turned to go and Spock exhaled a breath he had not known he had held in. However, Pike, careful and protective man that he is, called out to him, making Kirk pop his head back into the room. Spock could not control the spark of annoyance and, deep down, happiness that he felt when Pike said, "Spock will escort you home."

"I don't need-" Kirk began.

"Make sure he gets home." Pike walked off without another word, pushing Kirk inside the bar.

"This is gonna be fun!" Kirk exclaimed with a giant grin on his face.

Before he could help it, Spock raised an eyebrow and said, "fascinating."

* * *

><p>Jim stared after Pike with shock. This hadn't happened the first time, Spock hadn't been at the bar and he hadn't taken him home either. If he had, in his drunken pissed off state he either would have angered the Vulcan or jumped his bones the moment they got to his apartment. He turned to Spock and noted tightness around the man's eyes.<p>

"This is gonna be fun!" Jim exclaimed with growing excitement. If Spock wasn't going to enjoy going home with him, Jim sure as hell was.

Spock raised an eyebrow and said, "Fascinating," with the tone Jim had come to recognize as amusement.

"Well," Jim said. "Follow me, I guess."

He left the bar, expecting to feel Spock's familiar presence behind him. Walking to his motorcycle and putting on his helmet, Jim noticed how different the landscape was. It was as if someone had taken a picture and was projecting it around him. The sky was sparsely cloudy, as it had been that night, but the clouds did not move. Nothing moved, not even the air around him felt real.

He turned to give Spock his extra helmet but Spock was nowhere to be found. Dumbfounded, Jim forgot his earlier thoughts and turned around, taking his helmet off before walking back to the bar to see Spock standing in the same place, a faraway look on his face. Jim knew that face well; it had been directed towards him enough times. It was his 'humans confuse the crap out of me but I'm not going to let it bother me... much' face. It was a face that Jim both hated and adored.

"You know," Jim said walking to him, a helmet tucked under his arm the other hanging from his forefinger. "You're not a very good Vulcan."

That seemed to snap him out of his thoughts. Spock turned to Jim in one graceful movement and asked, contritely, "Pardon me?"

"I can read your emotions on your face," Jim replied flinging a helmet at him. He caught it (_of course he did_) with perfect grace.

"Do I know you?" Spock said after a small pause. "I do not believe I've had the pleasure of meeting you."

"Pleasure, huh," Jim replied with a grin. Perhaps this dream or whatever it was, was more of a nightmare. If Spock didn't know him but he knew Spock that meant that it was Jim's alone. Jim often dreamt of being Captain of the Enterprise only when he turned to talk to Spock, an Andorian was in his place. That nightmare, because being Captain without Spock felt hollow and fake, taunted him almost every night since he discovered he had feelings for Spock.

"I know you more than you know yourself, Spock." Jim rubbed his face and ran his hand through his hair in aggravation. This was definitely a nightmare.

"Clarify." Spock tilted his head as he often did when things where not clear enough.

"Never mind." Jim pointed to the helmet. "Put it on, let's go."

"Very well," The Vulcan said as he put the helmet on. It took Jim a moment to get over how adorable Spock looked with it on. He saw the slight twitch of a brow and his body tightened as he got used to the helmets pressure around his head. His ears were probably crushed against the side of his head.

"Are you okay? Does the helmet hurt your ears?" Jim asked, concerned. "I'm sorry if it does, I don't have another one."

"I never understood man's need to apologise for something that is out of their control," Spock commented. Jim gave him a look and Spock added, "I am fine."

Jim stared at the Vulcan; he felt a shot of arousal through him as he looked. He looked at Spock, almost appraisingly. The Vulcan was very handsome, almost startling so. His eyes were rich brown and so... human, there was no other way to describe them - A gateway into the complex soul of a Vulcan/human hybrid. His lips, even when set in a tight line, were pouty with a light green tinge to them.

Not to mention those eyebrows! Jim went light headed at the mere sight of them, and watching them rise in a traditional Spock manner made him want to reach out touch them. He hoped that, one day in the near future, he'd be able to accomplish the one fetish he had with Spock's eyebrows: to lick them.*

His straight nose, long pointed ears and high cheekbones just accentuated his looks further. But it wasn't just physical attraction; Spock's mind was complex. His thoughts were neat, organized so unlike Jim's. Yes, Spock had a Vulcan mind but Jim knew that underneath all that Spock did indeed feel. He felt more deeply than anyone else, his emotions were more potent than any humans. Jim had felt that when Selek, the name Spock Prime had adopted, had mind melded with him back on Delta Vega.

"You are aesthetically pleasing," Jim said with a shy grin, his eyes full of admiration. Spock faltered and tilted his head at Jim.

"Do I know you?" Spock repeated softly, trying to figure out where they'd met before.

"Let's go," Jim said.

What could he say? _Yes, Spock, I know you but you don't know me because we meet three years from now when I beat your Kobayashi Maru test. I meet you when your planet is about to be destroyed, your mother killed and your emotional barriers shattered. I meet you in the future, Spock, and I __fal) __in love with you. _Of course he wasn't going to say that, he would sound like a giant egotistical crazy jerk.

* * *

><p>Spock followed the strange man outside the bar to his motorcycle without question but faltered for the second time since meeting Kirk as the human jumped on and looked at him expectantly. He stared at the man, brow twitching with amusement before sighing internally and swinging a leg over. He felt uncomfortable being this close to Kirk, having only just met him, yet found no problem getting on the old bike. Without thinking about it, he wrapped his arms around the human's waist as Kirk started the bike. He felt the body still and was about to remove them when hands reached behind him, touched his lower back, and pushed him closer to Kirk. It was Spock's turn to still, as he felt the warmth radiating from Kirk's body and moved in closer without a second thought. His arms tightened around Kirk as he began the bike and left the bar parking lot.<p>

Strangely, Spock felt safe as Kirk drove on at a ridiculous speed. He did not comment, Pike had been his one and only ride and he had left him at the bar with Kirk. As the quaint Iowa landscape passed them by, Spock felt himself begin to purr lightly. The purring, centred in his chest, began as they continued to ride around the countryside.

He closed his eyes, throwing logic to the wind, as illogical as that was, and enjoyed the sensation of having Jim's hard body against his own in perfect fit against one another. He began to lose himself in the sensation that Ji- Kirk's body was eliciting and, with a lot of effort, managed to, after a few deep, deep breathes, pull himself away. His purring stopped, he locked away the emotions he'd felt only a moment ago, and he checked his mental barriers.

Touching Kirk, even over his clothing, was producing an emotional response from him. He felt a pull, a need to get closer to the man – and it scared him. Logically, the pull would mean their minds were compatible, if they were both Vulcan. But since Kirk was human, there was no way that their minds could be this compatible... was there?

Kirk slowed down near the docking where the Enterprise was being built, adjusting his speed to get a good look at the ship. Spock had found that, with the speed decreasing so had his need for constant contact with Kirk. He disengaged his arms from around the human as the bike stopped.

"She is a beauty," Kirk commented getting off the bike and taking off his helmet, a far-away look in his blue eyes. "I miss her already."

Spock removed his helmet as well, getting off the bike and turning to look at the Star ship. It really was aesthetically pleasing. It was awe inspiring even from hundreds of feet away. He turned to Kirk, confused at his second statement.

"How is it that you miss the Enterprise?" he asked. "It has had only a few months of construction."

"It's a long story," the human replied. "You'll find out in, oh, three years what I mean."

Spock quirked a brow but said nothing. The human was puzzling, that was a sure thing, but why did it ignite a sort of scratch in the back of his mind as if he should know what Kirk was speaking off? A scratch that, when he tried to sedate and explore, threw his mind back with such a force he felt his body react by taking a step back.

He saw Kirk look at him, confusion apparent on his face, before he shrugged and dismissed Spock opting to turn around and lean back on the wooden spikes that surrounded the shipyard. The human sighed and looked up at the sky. Spock looked at the human studying his face, trying to remember where they'd met before. He was, what humans would call, attractive with his azure eyes and pouty lips and light complexion. His hair was the colour he remembered his Sehlat had on its back. Looking at him brought back all sorts of emotions that Spock quickly repressed but it also brought memories of things that had never happened.

He saw himself in the Captain seat on board a ship, immediately his eyes turned to the Enterprise, knowing that that was the ship he saw himself in. He saw Kirk, dressed in a tight black uniform, standing in front of him, yelling at him angrily but his eyes conveyed a different emotion: sadness, regret. And finally, he saw an older, much wiser version of himself speaking to him. The reverence and warmth that that Vulcan had given off had increased ten-fold when Spock had asked about Jim, that he remembered clearly. But how? These events had never happened or had not happened yet.

"C-captain?" Spock said softly, his eyes returning to Kirk whose head snapped back.

"S-spock?" Jim - for it was Jim, his captain, his friend - who was standing next to him, reaching out towards him in what he recognized as a hug with such emotion that Spock could almost taste it. Spock was about to take a step closer, about to close their distances and allow himself to wrap his arms around Jim, feeling him against him as proof that this was not a dream, when everything went white and he found himself in his room on board the Enterprise.


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE**: I admit it, I'm felt a bit naughty towards Spock while Jim gets all the emotional stuff.**M/M** in this chappie, sorta... do fake memories count?

* * *

><p>Spock found himself standing behind his desk chair, hands clasped behind his back. He looked around, startled, and walked around the room with caution. This was strange, finding himself in one place after just being in another. He felt an itch in the back of his mind and concluded, looking around his quarters, that this was not real. As real as the material on his bed felt, the hot air around him felt, it was not real.<p>

When his quarters rang, he jumped. He composed himself and, back straight he looked towards the door, muttering a simple "Enter" as he always did. He turned away, completely enveloped in his thoughts that he did not see Captain Kirk enter, a smile planted on his face.

"You ready, Spock?" Jim said at his side, startling Spock. "I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation but we had plans."

Spock stares at Jim, eyes ranking all over his body. He seemed fine, more than fine, almost giddy. The human stared at him, waiting.

"To..." Spock said getting up from his seat.

"Well this isn't like you at all, Spock!" Jim exclaimed patting him on the shoulder. "We're going to beam down to the planet and explore the crap out of it. Unless, you're not feeling well? You can stay, mind the ship while I-"

"I am fine."

Something was wrong, something more than this being a fantasy. The way Jim looked at him was... off. There seemed to be a comradely, yes, but something deeper than that too. He felt it deep within Jim from the feel of the man's hand on his back and the way his fingers lingered for a moment longer than necessary.

Jim waved a hand in front of Spock's face. He looked at the Vulcan with narrowed eyes and asked, "are you sure you're okay? We can cancel our plans if you want, I mean, we don't have to go celebrate today. We can postpone it until shore leave."

"I'm sorry? What is it that we are celebrating, Captain?"

"We're alone, Spock, you can drop the formalities," Jim replied almost automatically, his eyes narrowing further as his brilliant blue eyes took in the Vulcan's confused tilt of his head. "W-were celebrating our anniversary, silly! I can't believe you forgot! You planned this leave for weeks, man. How could you forget our anniversary, love?"

"I'm sorry, but I still don't-"

Jim scoffed and looked away from the Vulcan. Spock stared back in disbelieve as Jim's eyes began to tear up and, when their eyes met, he felt horrible for having caused this reaction from his Captain.

The human looked up and, blue eyes searching for answer in an abyss of brown, found nothing but confusion. He felt something was wrong but he didn't want to believe it. He had Spock and that was all that mattered. They were together, happy and celebrating their two year anniversary. He could still remember their first anniversary and how Spock had planned the ships Shore Leave on the exact same week.

The Vulcan had gone all out and gotten the crew to help out and romanticise the Enterprise. It was a beautiful sight, having rose petals leading out of his room all the way to the observation deck where, curtsey of Sulu and Chekov, an entire three-course meal had been laid out. The food was absolutely amazing, as had the entertainment later in the day. They'd spent the rest of shore leave in their rooms with nothing but each other for company and it had been ... breath-taking.

But all that felt more like something out of old Earth movies - like someone else's memory only less vague.

Jim shook his head and, giving Spock one last confused look, said, "You're tired. I'll cancel our trip. Let everyone else go and then we can hang out together, get you stress-free, okay?" Spock said nothing. "O-okay... oh, hey! We can even meditate, with those Vanilla candles you love so much. I had some brought in during a shipment order. I was gonna surprise you with them but... oh well."

* * *

><p>Spock said nothing as Jim exited the room. There were many things running through his mind and most of them were nearly improbably. He remembered vague images that were his and yet he had never lived. As he sat down on his bed, he closed and his eyes and concentrated on separating the truth from the fantasy.<p>

What Jim had said sounded familiar but it hadn't registered. There were vague images of petals on the floor, star watching and Jim laughing while they ate. He concentrated on that 'memory' and tried to piece it together from start to end. He concentrated on his breathing, finding himself lost in the memory and scent of that night.

* * *

><p><em>Spock was in a hurry, his body buzzing with excitement as the time neared. It was almost time! He hoped dearly that Jim liked his present because he had worked so hard, going as far as to ask for other's to help. He nearly had to grovel to Doctor McCoy in order to receive his help. But in the end everyone wanted a happy Vulcan and a happy Captain. Everyone helped and did their task before rushing off on shore leave.<em>

_Everything was set; he double-checked just in case both in his head and in the PADD he held tightly in his hands. Nothing was left to do but wait for Captain Kirk, Jim, to wake up and follow the 'breadcrumbs'._

* * *

><p><em>They were too close but not close enough. Their lips were touching in a scorching kiss that wasn't hot enough. Their bodies were pressed against one another but not tightly enough. Spock was on top, kissing Jim with as much slowness as Jim had on their first night together. He alternated between groping the man and pulling him by the hair and deepening the kiss. Under him, Jim was moaning and arching his back, so needy and pliant under Spock. He loved to hear Jim beg, it was something that they had discovered early on in their sexual relationship. Jim loved to beg for Spock and so they were equals.<em>

_Spock's lips left Jim's to trace his jawline with the tip of his tongue. Jim smiled as he looked up at the Vulcan, eyes wide with lust. Trailing down his neck, after placing a few open mouth kisses on the delicate skin, Spock began to follow a path set by his hands with his mouth. By the time his lips reached Jim's perked nipples, his hands were holding on to his butt and pressing their hips together. He rocked against Jim while taking into his mouth a nipple and trailing his teeth over it slightly. Jim arched from the sensation, making Spock smile against his chest as he moved on._

_His hands parted Jim's legs, tracing his calves and thighs with his hands while his tongue circled his belly button. It was a strange thing, this 'bellybutton'. Spock had one but it was more out of decoration than to provide the sort of reaction that it gave Jim. They'd tried of course, and he never quite felt anything but wet while Jim arched everything Spock's tongue dipped into the half circle._

_Spock's tongue traced Jim's waist, from one hip to the other while keeping an eye on him. Jim's eyes were closed and his chest was heaving from his moaning. Spock smiled before bringing his tongue and licking Jim's-_

* * *

><p>"Spock? Spock? Are you alright?"<p>

Jim grabbed onto Spock's shoulders and shook him until his eyes snapped open. Immediately, Spock pushed Jim away and retreated to the furthest corner of the room, his eyes livid. He wasn't angry with Jim, he was angry with himself. How could he have forgotten all those precious memories? How could he have erased the feel of Jim's skin and the taste of his skin from his nearly perfect memory? It was impossible.

"I'm sorry, Jim," Spock whispered softly, more to himself that to Jim. "I'm so sorry."

He stood and reached out towards Jim, pulling him into an embrace that spoke volumes. The warmth of his skin, his body against his, was unforgettable and yet he had forgotten. It made no sense, he reasoned. He pulled back and looked into Jim's bright blue eyes. He was Jim, his Captain and lover. He wasn't an imposter or a poser, he was his - he saw that now.

Spock leaned in and captured those plush lips, kissing him with a fervour that surprised Jim as much as it did Spock. There was such intensity in the kiss and it scared him. He was Vulcan; he wasn't supposed to feel anything! But he felt this and he longed for more.

A few hours and a couple of 'tumbles in the hay', as Jim called their coupling, later; they lay in bed exhausted and happy. It'd been a long time since Spock could say he was happy without having to lie. He was content to remain motionless and inactive while Jim slept on his chest, his arms draped around his waist and legs entangled with Spock's. The Vulcan couldn't complain, he loved the feel of Jim's slick skin against his, the way his breath fleeted over his skin as Jim breathed in and out.

It was nearly an hour into Jim's sleep when Spock felt a change in the air. He sat up on the bed, moving carefully as to not wake up Jim. He looked around the room but found nothing out of the ordinary and so, relaxed but still alert, he lay back down on the bed. But soon that feeling was back. He got up from the bed, pulling on his robe and inspecting the room inch by inch.

No one just as he suspected. He took out his tricorder just to make sure but other than Jim and he, there were no life signs in the room.

He was pulling off his robe when there was a gust of wind behind him. _Odd_, he thought, _we are on a Star Ship and there should be no wind_. _There could be a leak in the_- he turned back and came face to face with a man.

The man stood in front of him wearing clothes that looked to big for his thin frame. He had orange hair, except for blonde bangs, that was neatly parted in the middle. The blond locks fell over his eyes, one blue and one brown with a dilated pupil. The man smiled at him, a cheeky smile that had Spock blink a few times before clearing his throat.

"Who-"

"No, there will be none of that," the man interrupted, shaking his head. "Now, let's get you back to reality before you loose your head, shall we?" The man pressed two thin fingers to Spock's forehead and the world around him faded under a bright light. "There. Now tell me what are you doing on my planet?"


	5. Chapter 5

"There," the man said with a smile. "Now, tell me, why are you doing on my planet? I'm pretty sure I didn't get the memo about a half Vulcan and a human gallivanting around on my planet. Not that I mind, really. But I would have loved to have gotten some sort of notice. That would have been nice and proper, don't you think?"

Spock stared at the strange with a raised eyebrow. This planet was supposed to be devoid of humanoid life, it was supposed to be a paradise planet. Instead there was strange man with bright orange hair and a dream like reality.

"Not much of a talker, I see." The man walked around Spock, his hands shoved inside his pockets. He pulled out black visors and put them on, covering his strange eyes. "Maybe we should wake up your beau, what do you think? I think it's a great idea! Yeah, let's have some fun!"

He snapped his fingers and Captain Kirk began to stir. Spock had been so captivated by the strange he hadn't noticed Jim had been lying a few feet away from him, unconscious. He left the stranger alone and went to Jim's side, helping him get up.

"Wha- what happened?" Jim asked, holding on to Spock for dear life. "I had this strange dre- who's your friend, Spock?"

"I'm Ziggy. You're Captain James T. Kirk and that's Spock," The man, Ziggy, said with a serious voice. He took a step towards them and then broke out into a giant grin that showed off his strangely, point white teeth. "I know who you are! BUUUUT, I don't know what you're doing here on Neuköln (1)."

"Neuköln?" Spock asked, finally speaking up. "Is that the name of this planet?"

"It's what I named it!" Ziggy yells happily with a clap of his hands. "You like it?"

Ziggy swirled around in a circle, his head thrown back and eyes closed. He inhaled deeply and stopped a few feet away from Spock and Jim. He looked at them in the eyes, pulling down his visors to sit on his straight nose. He tilted his head, a hand coming up to his face in silent contemplation. His forefinger traced his thin lips as he took a few steps back to the Vulcan and Human.

"You do like it, don't you?" He looked at them uncertain, blinking rapidly and tilting his head to the side. Jim nodded. Spock looked around, taking in all the beauty that surrounded them and concurred that it was aesthetically pleasing. He nodded too, bringing another unnaturally wide smile to Ziggy. "It's not at all like my planet. There's water here!"

"Your planet? You mean you are not a native?" Spock asked.

"My planet dried up and died a long time," Ziggy replied sadly, turning away from them and looking down to the ground. "It was a beautiful place before the drought occurred." Ziggy turned back to them, biting his lower lip. "I've been on my own for such a long time, man. I've been rather lonely here, until you came that is. But I'm not stupid; you're here for the planet, not me. Enjoy it. Bring your crew down here; I'll make the necessary arrangements for their stay."

With that in mind, he walked away, white shoes leaving in prints on the soft sand that they hadn't noticed before. The man looked saddened by the thought of being alone and yet Spock didn't care because he and the Captain had to talk. He turned to Jim then, but the human was looking at Ziggy with a strange look on his face.

"Captain?" Jim snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Spock. He looked back towards the path that Ziggy had walked and motioned with his hand for Spock to follow him. The talk could wait; they had to figure out if this man was dangerous or just lonely.

* * *

><p>The sound of music hit their ears as they followed Ziggy's path. Jim had nothing on his mind but the safety of his crew and this man, this Ziggy, had to be considered a threat until he was convinced otherwise. There was also the fact that Spock had turned to him with dark, confused eyes that held a question Jim just wasn't ready to answer. He remembered their dreams, both of them and he didn't want to talk about it while being on the planet. They would have time back on the Enterprise once this situation was settled.<p>

_"There's a starman waiting in the sky... he'd like to come and meet us but he thinks he'd blow our minds...(2)" _the song grew louder as the continued on. The soft melody held a sort of earthy feel to it that resembled some of the tunes that Jim had back in his room. But this music was strange, almost alien. Oddly, Jim felt relaxed as they came to an opening and a small house came into view.

The song changed and a new melody, much more mellow that the last. _"Ground Control to Mayor Tom... Ground Control to Mayor Tom...(3)" _Jim stopped. That song sounded familiar. The deep, throaty voice and the guitar strings sounded like...

"Ziggy... Ziggy Stardust (4)," Jim whispered out. "Ziggy Stardust... that's odd."

"Gentlemen," Ziggy said as they approached the house. He held a guitar in his hands, strumming the cords softly over the music coming from inside the house. He motioned with his thumb to the chairs in front of him. "Sit, please."

"We'd like to know about this planet," Jim started. "We need to collect enough information so that our more shy colleagues will come down."

Ziggy explained about the planet and how the vegetation came to be. He told them of the splendours it had, the large sections of the planet with different seasons and climates. He gave them a geographic view of the planet using a tricorder and a computer and pointed out some of the more dangerous sections. But it wasn't until the end that he explained that the planet had one purpose and that was to grant a person's desires.

"Mine was to have my planet back," Ziggy told them. "And I've been here so long that I think Neuköln has just taken its form for ever. This is what my planet was like before the drought... before all the death." He sighed deeply. He looked at both Spock and Jim and said with a sad smile, "I hope you enjoy your stay here, as much as I have."

"Thanks, Ziggy," Jim said standing up. "We'll get started on landing procedures immediately. We appreciate your hospitality." They shook hands and Jim gave Spock a nod. Spock followed Jim out of the house and out of earshot, his hands running through his hair uneasy. "Report to the Enterprise and begin procedures. I think I need to talk to Ziggy a bit more. We can talk afterwards, all right?"

Spock nodded and opened his communicator while Jim returned to Ziggy's home. He wasn't convinced still. This man was strange and the mention of his planet and his loneliness might make him incline to keep them on the planet forever. But there was something else. His eyes... they looked so old yet he didn't look a day over 26. He spoke of his world as if it had died a long time ago and it still saddened him to think about it. Jim couldn't just leave the poor man alone while he and Spock brought down strangers from another planet to invade this replica. He had to understand Ziggy and his purpose and perhaps, help him out of his misery.

* * *

><p>1. <em>Neuköln<em> is a song by David Bowie

2. _"There's a starman waiting in the sky... he'd like to come and meet us but he thinks he'd blow our minds..." - Starman_by David Bowie

_3. _"Ground Control to Mayor Tom... Ground Control to Mayor Tom..." - Space Oddity __by David Bowie

4. Ziggy Stardust is both a song and an alter-ego of David Bowie.

AND since i am, obviously, NOT David Bowie, i own nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

_**NOTE**: Ziggy's story is taken from the movie "The man who fell to earth" with David Bowie. An absolutely lovely film from the 70's that broke my heart. It is also a book by Walter Tervis, which I'm trying to find in my library. _No copyright infringement intended_ but the story line was simply too awesome not to use. Most of it comes from the film but I added a few details of my own to the mix._

* * *

><p>"My home planet was named Anthea. It was bigger than this planet with a rich soil that grew any plant you could imagine. We shared Anthea with three other races in a peaceful harmony. We hadn't fought for dominion over the planet in millennia and so we lived in equality and peace. But some thought that was too simple and war came back to Anthea.<p>

"It began with a simple slogan - very similar to Germany's '_Wir sind das Volk_' or 'we are the people'. The campaign leaders overtook our federation and soon a war broke out. Neighbour against neighbour, friend against friend, brother against brother. But that wasn't the worst of it. No, soon enough weapons were used that destroyed parts of our atmosphere and caused seasonal changes unlike anything we'd ever seen.

"I was a scientist, my entire family was devoted to science, and it was my job to find new ways to kill our enemies. I came up with the nuclear weapon that caused our planet to dry out. It was _my_ fault and so, when the war ended _I_ was charged with murder. But by then the drought had killed so many that no one cared about anything but surviving.

"So, I came up with a plan. My wife and two kids begged me to remain on planet because they firmly believe everything would be okay. But by then, our plants were wilted, our water dried up, sand began to cover every inch of Anthea and clouds covered our collapsing atmosphere. I built a ship out of scrap and leaving my family behind to die, I left Anthea in search of this planet called Earth.

"Earth to us meant water, that was our native word for your planet, Captain Kirk, water. When I arrived I made money and began to build a way to get back home with enough space on the ship for any surviving member of my planet. But I was discovered and taken into custody. By the time I got out, I was addicted to alcohol and my physical appearance had been altered by experiments.

"It was the 1970's, you see, no one knew of aliens in those times. It was all sci-fi and fiction to them. They let my family, my people, die by keeping me jailed up and they didn't care. I begged to be let out, told them I would leave and never come back but no one listened. All they saw was a freaky alien who had managed to slip under the radar for years and pretend to be human.

"I got out and found my craft but by that time my planet had collapsed on itself, become a supernova, taking away everyone I knew and loved. I flew to where my planet was and found nothing... I was heart broken," Ziggy looked down at his thin shaking, upturned hands. His palms were riddled with scars and his fingertips looked burnt off. His fingers were a white colour that seemed like they were painted. Jim looked at Ziggy as he closed his hands into a fist and crossed his arms over his chest, wrapping his crossed arms around his thin body.

Ziggy looked melancholy as he looked up to Captain Kirk, tilting his head to the side. His blond bangs fell over his strange eyes and the visors on the bridge of his nose. He sniffed once and, straightening in his seat, began to silently hum to himself. Jim sat back in his seat, trying to process all the information he'd been given by the alien. He knew know that his initial thoughts were correct. The man was lonely and perhaps depressed but he had no ill intentions for anyone but himself. He'd seen enough war and destructions to last him a lifetime and, given his tale had taken place nearly 1,050 years ago, he's forgiven everyone but himself.

"How is it that you look so young after so many years?" Jim asked after a while.

Ziggy looked at Jim, stopping his humming to answer with a shrug. "I do not know. The scientist who held me captive experimented with my physiology many times and perhaps they altered some part of my DNA with one of them." He laughed mirthlessly and added, "they glued my human contacts to my natural yellow eyes using an x-ray machine after I told them I could see the x-ray flash. It was very painful, I assure you, and yet they did nothing to alleviate my pain."

"Earth, at that time, was very chaotic. By the 1990's there was chemical warfare and such, there were dictators and revolutions. War and death unlike anything before," Jim told him. "You certainly didn't arrive at a time where people like yourself would have been welcomed in with open arms."

"It matters not," Ziggy said, running his thin hands through his hair. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "The past is the past. It is mine to deal with, not yours to apologize for. I have gotten over it, being a captive for so long. My planet is a whole other story but I hope to one day stop what happened in Anthea from happening to another planet and another race."

"You could come with us," Spock said as he approached the two conversing men. He sat down by Jim and turned to Ziggy. "I apologize, I did not mean to overhear but you could come back to Earth. You could train at the Star Fleet academy and catch up with the times. From what you've told the Captain, you sound like a very accomplished scientist and I don't think Star Fleet would pass up the opportunity to have a brilliant mind such as yourself in its side."

"I don't know," Ziggy replied. "It's been such a long time since I've been to earth. Hell, it's been a long time since I've been around people." He paused. His hand rose to touch his lower lip, gently tracing it as he thought Spock's offer over in his head. With a nod, he stood and said, "I will consider the offer, Mr. Spock. I will have an answer before you and your company leave. I thank you for your compliment although I'm sure you would say they were facts."

"They were," Spock agreed. "But you are welcomes nonetheless." He turned to Jim and said, "Captain preparations are in order and Mr. Scott is awaiting your command to begin beaming down the crew members."

"Thank you, Spock, I'll just go give Scottie a call. It was nice chatting with you, Ziggy. Thank you for sharing your tale with me."

"It was my pleasure, Captain," the alien replied. He waited until Jim was out of earshot before turning to Spock with a sad smile. "Would it be a bother to ask if I could get a look around your ship? Perhaps you could give me a tour and explain all the advance that have been made."

"It would be my honour," Spock replied. "As we are guest on your planet, you are a guest on our ship."


	7. Chapter 7

They were beamed up from Neuköln while the crew was being beamed down to the planet. Ziggy had made many preparations in such a short amount of time that even Spock looked amazed. There were buildings all over the planet, like mini-hotels, where the crew could sleep while they stayed on-planet. There was equipment to facilitate everyone's needs and food was fresh and not replicated. They'd left Scottie in charge of handling any problems any of the visitors might encounter, after he and Ziggy had a long talk about engineering.

All in all, everyone was either on the planet taking leave or patiently doing their duty on the Enterprise until it was their turn.

Jim had agreed to have Ziggy as their guest and the three beamed up to the Enterprise. Spock volunteered to give the man a tour of the Enterprise and Jim retired to his room. On the way, he had Ziggy's room prepared and had tapes sent of everything he'd missed since leaving Earth. He also sent a communication to the admiralty about Ziggy and his tale, advising them to let him enter the Academy as soon as possible. He assured them that Ziggy was no threat and that he personally took responsibility for the lonely man.

After being wrong so much by humans, it was time for Ziggy to be paid back, by the millions. Education and perhaps one day, his own position in the Fleet, would be only the beginning. Jim saw Ziggy as an ambitious man who, after being alone for so long, had forgotten how live. He would educate him on the times; teach him everything he needed to know before dropping him off at the Academy. Pike owed him a favour anyway; this was how Jim wanted to cash it in.

He strongly believed in Ziggy as did Spock going by the way he hung to the man's every word. It gave Jim an odd feeling, that perhaps Spock had found someone far more fascinating that a Star Ship captain. But he shook his head and collapsed on his bed, forgetting all about Ziggy and concentrating on the dream he had about Spock.

Anthea was a pleasure planet, Ziggy had said, and it had made a fantasy around what Jim had desired the most - namely, Spock. But why had their been two dreams? He'd wanted to meet Spock earlier in his life, perhaps at a time where his charms were at the top of their game. He had wanted to seduce Spock before the Nero disaster. He wanted Spock before he'd become this cold, human-like machine working but not living. Jim knew Spock was hurting, his mother was dead, his planet was gone and it was all because of a deranged Romulan. He blamed himself, foremost, that was clear. And it showed with every passing days as his shift finished and he retreated to his empty room to meditate. Sure, sometimes they engaged in games of chess and wrestled but most of the time Spock was either working or meditating.

It hurt Jim to see the Vulcan stewing in his own pit of self-loathing, especially when all he wanted to do was tell Spock how he felt. But it was a bad idea, he knew it, it could break Spock beyond repair and it would be his fault, not Nero's but Jim's. He was scared, to be honest, and he also knew that. He didn't want to be rejected. He didn't want to see Spock's brown eyes look at him apologetically as he told him he did not reciprocate his feelings.

Jim was scared of loosing Spock to himself more that anything and that was why he couldn't tell him he loved him.

* * *

><p>Spock took Ziggy to the observation deck, as he had requested, answering all of his questions as thoroughly as he could. The alien seemed to have a thirst for knowledge that Spock hadn't seen for a long time. He almost enjoyed asking questions and receiving an answer only to ask another question. They ranged from aerodynamics to astrobiology and xenolinguistics. He told Spock what his area of study had been back in Anthea and what he's learned in old Earth while Spock told him of new advances and new civilizations they had discovered. Ziggy in turn told him of all the alien races his people had known and described how their civilization was one a society of assimilation. They absorbed other cultures and mixed it with their own.<p>

"By the time the revolution began," Ziggy told him as they walked into the observation deck. "We had more than 100 different religions and practices co-existing in peace with one another. We were a peaceful people, only interested in learning and living."

"Antheans sound very much like the human race," Spock replied. "They too had periods of peace and intellectual thirst that eventually ended because of war. And they too were on the brink of destruction. But unlike Anthea, they acknowledged their problems and sought ways to overcome them." Spock paused, thinking over his next words carefully before speaking. Ziggy turned to him, looking up at the taller being, with a sad smile. "I would have greatly enjoyed visiting your planet. From your descriptions, Anthea sounded like a paradise."

"Perhaps if we'd branched out a few more light years and found your planet, both of them would still be here," Ziggy said sadly. "Jim told me what happened to Vulcan. I see now that you know what I must feel like and I wish to warn you that, perhaps over time the pain dulls, but the memories of what was lost will always hurt you." Ziggy raised a hand to Spock's face. Spock remained still, head tilted to the side in confusion. Ziggy's thumb made a small circle on the Vulcan's skin in a comforting sort of way before retracting his hand. "I know how you feel and should you ever wish to speak about it, I will listen."

"Thank you," Spock said after a moment.

Ziggy offered a small smile, turning to the room and asking, "What have you come to show me here?"

"We are in space," Spock replied. "I wanted to show you our view and a chart of the areas of space have charted so far. Perhaps you could tell us where your planet once stood so that we can send a communication back to the Federation and have it added to a list we have of planets-"

"I will," Ziggy interrupted. "I want my people to be remembered, my planet to be known instead of being locked away in my mind forever. I will show you and your admiralty everything you want to know."

"Thank you."

"Oh, stop thanking me, love! I want to do this for them, not you or me. They deserve more than to be forgotten after I've withered away and died."


	8. Chapter 8

There seemed to be an odd need for Ziggy to touch Spock. Every movement he made, every time he used his hands to express his words, he would reach over and touch the Vulcan. At first, Spock didn't mind for he knew Humans (or at least most humanoids) tended to be very touchy. They held no regards towards races that refrained from touching because of their telepathy. He understood that. But as time passed, it began to bother him. There was something wrong with the man's touch, it was too close to a Vulcan's body temperature and so unlike... Jim's. That bothered him the most, however, his comparison between the two.

Ziggy and Jim couldn't be more different. Ziggy held himself in a sort of sophisticated, elegant manner that screamed 'posh' as the man described it while Jim was rugged, unsophisticated and, at most times, rude. They held themselves so very different, they behaved almost the same – childish – and had the same humour but they were so... different. Spock couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that he didn't like Ziggy, couldn't tolerate him longer than necessary.

Spock showed Ziggy around the Enterprise until it was 'chow' time, as Ziggy called it. The headed down to the dinner hall, taking the turbo lift to the alien's room before going to eat. Spock stood outside the room while Ziggy changed attire, from a suit to a simple earth shirt and pantaloons.

When they arrived, Jim was already eating enthusiastically, his face breaking into a smile when he saw Spock enter. But the smile faltered when he saw Ziggy enter after him, looking at each other and ignoring Jim, Spock entered the mess hall with Ziggy, too busy listening to the alien's chatter about his favorite food to notice Jim staring at him. He felt eyes on him but every time he tried to find the pair of eyes, Ziggy would step in front of him and block his view, always. They were nearly the same height, something Ziggy used to his advantage.

They ate with Ziggy's constant chatter, he even talked when he was chewing! Spock tried on many occasions to dislodge himself from the chatty alien but Ziggy would always have a reason to go along. It was nearly draining for Spock to be with the man, his mind whirling a million miles an hour trying to find a way to remove himself from his presence. Montgomery Scott saved him the bother of telling the man to 'sod off'.

"Mr. Scott, may I inquire about the status of the planet and its newest additions?" Spock asked trying to catch Ziggy's attention. He knew the man adored the planet; he spent nearly 2.4 hours speaking of all its wonders.

"Aye, they be goin' well," Mr. Scott said with a smile. He turned to Ziggy, nodding briefly to Spock with a knowing look and asked, "Mind if we chat? I've been tryin' to find me a way to..."

Spock looked on as the alien was taken by the arm and led down the hall. He sighed internally. All he wanted to do was go to his room and meditate. He had so much information to process, so many emotions to filter through and so many... touched to obliterate from his mind.

* * *

><p>Jim was in his room, his ear on the bathroom door that connected his room and Spock's. He was waiting, for nearly an hour now, for his fellow First Officer to arrive so that they could talk. He didn't know it would take this long or that his body would freeze in the same position, scared that if he moved he might miss Spock's entrance. His legs and arms were numb, his neck hurt from having his ear plastered on the door. He was about to give up when the hissing sound reached his ears. Spock was home. It was talk time.<p>

He walked out of his room, smoothing out his uniform and running his hand through his short hair. Nervous ticks he had when he was, well, about to explode with nerves and his heart wouldn't shut the hell up in his ears. He buzzed in and, as always, Spock greeted him.

"Captain," Spock acknowledged as Jim walked in. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to talk about... what happened down on Anthea. What does that even mean anyway?"

"Ziggy said it meant a lot of things when translated but he chose it because it meant flower. I did not understand the sentiment behind it, he chose not to explain it to me further."

"I see," Jim said even though he was confused. He walked into the room, so different from his own. The hot air felt nice on his skin, very much like a hot summer back home. "So, yeah, what happened on the planet, with us... in your dream, does it happen often?"

"We have never had sexu-"

"I meant in your dreams, Spock," Jim interrupted. He gulped, waiting patiently for an answer as Spock stared at him. Those eyes had a way of disrupting his blood flow and steering it somewhere else.

"I... Vulcan's do not dream, it is not logical," Spock replied. "But as I am half human I have often wondered what it is like to dream. I have had dream like visions, yes. Very similar to this waking dream, as well."

"It's a pleasure-slash-desire planet, Ziggy said. Does that mean that you... want me?"

Jim took a step forward, his eyes unwavering from Spock's. He wanted a clear, bullshit free answer. Spock's notrils flared slightly, as if his breathing was laboured. His pupils were slightly dilated, his lips dry and hands clasped behind his back. Jim loved his stance, it was so gracefull so very powerful. His eyes snapped to Spock's lips as he opened them so say, "I do not know."


	9. Chapter 9

"How was your night," Ziggy asked as Jim left his room. The alien had been leaning on the wall by his room, waiting for him he guessed. Jim said nothing, nodding once and turning the corner towards the turbolift. "Not as good as you planned, huh? I bet Spock didn't take too kindly to you professing your love to him."

"What!" Jim exclaimed. He stopped walking; his eyes bugged out and turned to the alien. Ziggy looked right into his eyes, his mouth in a smirk and eyes sparkling with amusement. Jim jaw tightened, his lips set in a line and fist clenched from trying not to punch the orange haired man.

"That bad, huh?" ziggy said walking backwards with the smirk still on his face. "Hope I have better luck!"

* * *

><p>Spock was kissing Jim. He didn't know where he was, all he knew was that Spock's lips were right on Jim's and a wet tongue was tracing his lower lip. He gasped, letting the warm tongue in. He was kissing Jim and he liked it.<p>

He'd been in his room just about finishing his meditation for the night when his door chimed. It was Captain Kirk. He let him in, wondering why the door didn't simply let him in; it was programmed to let the Captain into his room at all times. He was putting away his mats, the warm air around him still smelling of the vanilla scented candles he used.

Turning to apologize for his wardrobe, he was met with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes. He thought he saw one eyes slightly darker than the other but that thought was gone when Jim pressed his lips to his in a mind-shattering kiss. Spock had been kissed before, but this was a new experience. Arms wrapped around his body, his body was pulled flushed against Jim. A hand pulled at his hair, tilting his head slightly.

He was registering everything and nothing. The kiss was a working problem. Jim's hands felt too warm, too hot, too inhuman; his lips too thin, too chapped and too hard; his body felt too thin, too fragile, too different.

But it didn't matter because Spock was kissing Jim and, as he led Jim to his bed, he liked it a lot.

* * *

><p>It was nearly a third of the way into the day and Spock was nowhere to be seen. The Vulcan had turned off his communicator, no one knows how, disappeared from the ship's computers and locked himself in his room with all doors locked and impenetrable. It had Jim worried. He was about to get Scottie to break down the door when Spock walked in, dishevelled and with a smile on his face.<p>

"Well I'll be dammed," Bones said from besides Jim. He leaned down on his shoulder and whispered, "Spock has arrived in a post-sex haze."

Jim's eyes narrowed as he took in the Vulcan's appearance. Sure, he had bed hair making his black locks sticking up at all sides and making him look like he had Tribble's on his head. And his lips were swollen with a fade red and he was blushing slightly as he made his way to his station. He also walked stiffly, a smile on face and with a dark red mark on his neck.

"Good morning Mr Spock," Jim said turning away from him. He looked out the heads of Chekov and Sulu, ignoring the pang he felt in his chest. "Good of you to join us, nearly three hours in."

"Captain? You said I could-" Spock stopped mid-sentence, his body tenses and his jaw clenched. "I apologize, it won't happen again."

* * *

><p>There was something about alien species like Humans and Vulcans that bugged Ziggy. He was Anthean, his knowledge was great and powers were beyond anything they probably seen. Humans were puzzling, they were complex and emotional; Vulcans were so rigid, so closed-minded, and so... emotionless; Antheans were high-spirited, happy and intelligent. Antheans were the Renaissance to Humans dark ages, the enlightenment to Vulcan's warring period. All in all, it bugged Ziggy to have to co-exist with these mindless, joyless creatures for so long. He was bored and his fun had run out a few hours ago.<p>

So that was how he came up with his master plan. While everyone else was topside, he would have his fun on the ship. It was obvious, even to a blind person, that the Captain and his alien first officer liked one another. It was so obvious in fact that it was almost ridiculous that they hadn't gotten together already. Or perhaps they did and it had ended badly, but Ziggy saw no hard feeling between the two so that was out.

He started off by separating the two men from one another. That was easy enough, he simply asked Spock for a tour of the ship and scientific inquiries. Next, he started touching. Subtle touches at first that no one but he and whom he was touching would notice. Then began the real fun! As he continued to commandeer Spock's attention, thus separating him from Captain Kirk, Ziggy also began to tease the little Star Ship Captain.

"Isn't Spock wonderful, Captain?" he would say when the two men would run into each other. A light touch on the arm, which Kirk followed with narrowed eyes, and the human was as jealous as a peacock.

But the funniest part came later that night when, making himself look like Kirk (An old Anthean power he rarely used; he liked his visage as it was and had no need to change it), he went into Spock's room while he was meditating and kissed him. Things escaladed from there, Spock thinking it was Kirk took every thing slowly as if to give him a chance to run away. It was sweet really, but Ziggy was having too much fun.

When Spock entered him, sharp phallus resembling a cat though much more... elegant, he felt his illusion shift and for a tiny moment he was Thomas Jerome Newton again, that naïve foreigner who crash landed in the steppes of New Mexico all those centuries ago. But it was gone a moment later; he was back to being Ziggy pretending to be Kirk. It was all worth it in the end, he got a great orgasm and Spock got to pummel Kirk.

"Be as late as you want to be," he whispered before leaving. "I want you rested for later tonight." Spock slept, his human side showing prominence after intercourse.

As Ziggy left Spock's room, he saw Kirk leaving his. He couldn't help it, he had to make it even more interesting.

"How was your night," Ziggy asked. "Not as good as you planned, huh? I bet Spock didn't take too kindly to you professing your love to him."

"What!" Jim turned, his eyes wide with shock. Ziggy smirked, too amused to care of the human was going to hit him. Jim said nothing more, his mouth opening and closing and blinking more rapidly than he'd ever seen a human do. It was all rather enjoyable. Oh, how he was going to miss him when they left.

"That bad, huh?" Ziggy walked backwards, his hands raised up in mock exasperation. "Hope I have better luck!"


	10. Chapter 10

Oh, how fun, thought Ziggy as he exited the Turbolift. Captain Kirk was sitting on his big chair, his hands turning white from the grip he had on the arm rests. Spock was sitting by his station, his back as straight as an arrow. As Ziggy's eyes travelled to the Vulcan's lean frame, he felt Captain Kirk look up at him. With a smile, Ziggy turned and saluted.

"Permission to come on board," he said. The navigator turned, tilting his head to the side before turning back to his console. A few others also turned to look at Ziggy, his hand in the hair in an American salute long since replaced. "Is that not the correct-"

"No," Kirk interrupted. "State your purpose."

"I wish to know how many more of your crewmen will be coming down to my planet," Ziggy replied, walking around the Bridge, one finger trailing behind him. Kirk followed him, turning his chair as Ziggy walked. He saw Kirk's grip on his seat tighten as he reached the science station, he leaned over Spock's shoulder and asked, "When are you taking your leave, Mr Spock?"

"I am Vulcan," Spock replied stiffly. "I do not require rest."

"But there is this positively marvellous spot in the southern east corner of the planet where temperatures are almost like on Vulcan."

"I doubt that," Kirk interjected from behind with a snort. "I'm sure Mr Spock has a lot of work to get done with, don't you Spock?"

Ziggy turned and their eyes met. Oh, yes, this was going to be fun. He straightened, allowing the Vulcan to move his chair around. Ziggy already knew what was going pass between the man's lips and he loved it. He smiled as Spock stood up.

"Actually Captain," Spock said, "I am done."

"See Captain? He is done and now we can talk about-"

"I'm sure you can find something to work on until your shift is over," Kirk said with a finality that even Ziggy couldn't break. But that didn't stop him from grinning. Things were just getting interesting. Ziggy left without anther word.

* * *

><p>Spock was confused, a feeling he did not enjoy at all. Every time he would try to get anywhere near Captain Kirk, he stopped himself. What had transpired between them earlier had obviously changed their relationship, Spock just couldn't figure out how. Jim acted as cordial and distant as he should, almost angrily towards him. Once, Spock had felt eyes on him and swiveled his chair around only to get a cold, hard look at a pair of blue eyes. Something inside Spock cracked, a leftover from his human heritage he supposed and yet, with as much Vulcan might as he could, he could not suppress the hurt that was running through his veins.<p>

"Captain, may I be excused?" Spock asked, clenching his fists at his sides as he approached Captain Kirk.

Kirk turned, shooting a confused look at Doctor McCoy first. "You want me to dismiss you after you were late three hours?" Spock remained silent, not wanting to interrupt by saying that he was following orders. The whole crew didn't need to know of their 'once night stand' as Spock was now calling it; Jim seemed to have forgotten about it already. "No, Spock, continue with your work."

"I have finished-"

"Then do tomorrow's work!"

"Captain-"

"Jim," Doctor McCoy interrupted, a hand on Captain Kirk's shoulder. "I need Spock for a check-up, he needs to come down to Sick Bay with me."

"Bones… you know I don't like it when you-"

"Tough, boy." McCoy turned to Spock, an eyebrow cocked that clearly said follow me, and walked away leaving Jim mouth agape and without a Medical or Science Officer.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to tell me what in tarnation is going on between you two?" Doctor McCoy asked once they were in the Turbo Lift. "And don't give me none of your Vulcan crap!"<p>

"Nothing is going on, Doctor," Spock replied. "I just misunderstood."

"Misunderstood who? What?" McCoy pressed. "Whom are you talking about?"

"I misunderstood Captain Kirk this morning. I thought h-he," Spock stopped, straightening his back. "It is none of your concern."

McCoy pushed a button on the Turbo Lift, stopping the machine. He stepped in front of Spock, giving him what Jim called his 'mother hen' look. Unlike Jim, however, Spock was unaffected.

"Tell me everything."

-.-


	11. Chapter 11

Leonard couldn't decide which side of Jim's back to slap first, the left or the right. It seemed right to just simply go up to him and give him a good right hook but that wasn't Leonard's style. Plus, Jim was still his Captain and punching a Star Ship captain was a court martial offense. But he deserved it after what he'd done to Spock. Not that Spock and he were suddenly best friends but if Jim had done something this bad to his First Officer, well, he deserved a good punch to the face.

Leonard and Jim had been friends since the Academy and there was little that surprised him anymore. But this took the top slot. Spending the night with his First Officer and then completely ignoring him during work, being cruel to him even if the Vulcan wouldn't complain about it, Leonard knew it was cruel and hurtful. That had to be the lowest of the low for Jim and Leonard had something to say about it.

He waited until Jim's shift was over and he was heading back to his rooms. He waited outside the door, hands crossed over his chest and a smile on his face as Jim approached him.

_Yes_, he thought, _it is good ol' McCoy waited for you. Nothing wrong here, no siree bob, Jimbo. Just keep on being yourself until my hand meet the back of your head!_

* * *

><p>The moment the doors closed behind Jim and McCoy, a hand connected to the back of the Jim's head. He turned around, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.<p>

"What the hell, Bones?! What was that for?" Jim asked backing away from the Doctor. "What I do now?"

"You know darn well what you did, Jim!" Bones hissed. "I never thought you would stoop so low but here we are. How dare you do that to him? To anyone? Here I thought you had changed, that you had become respectable with your promotion but no, I guess I was wrong wasn't I, Jim?"

Jim blinked a few times, trying to process what his best friend had just said. McCoy looked absolutely riled up, his eyes were bulging beyond normal. Sure, Bones got mad a lot and Jim was at the receiving end of his anger most of the time, but this time Jim had no idea what he'd done.

"Seriously what did I do?" Jim asked taking a few steps from Bones just in case the good doctor wanted to hit him again. "Whose 'him'?"

"Don't pretend you don't know!" His eyes became slits, terrible for Jim for her knew this meant the doctor was royally pissed. "Spock! How could you do that to him?"

"Wait-what? What did I do to Spock?"

"Damnit Jim, you are one hell of an asshole," McCoy said walking away, shaking his head. "Lying to him is one thing but to me? I thought we were friends, Jim."

"Bones… Explain."

McCoy stopped at the door, turning back to Jim. "You slept with Spock, Jim. He told me you slept together last night, which is why he was late. You told him to sleep this morning after your night together. And then, the arrogant bastard that you are, you ignore his ass all day, yelling at him for every little thing."

He left without another word, leaving Jim baffled and confused.

* * *

><p><em>Ziggy was dreaming, he knew that. But it didn't stop him from believing it was true.<em>

_He was back in his world, back home with his family in his own visage, back when the world was a paradise. He was in bed watching his beautiful wife sleep - her yellow eyes visible from under her translucent eyelids, whooshing back and forth at a steady rhythm. She was dreaming. He loved watching her dream._

_Whilst he might be the provider of their family, she was the true genius. Yes, he was considered smart but it was she who developed most of the ideas, he just had more faith and more time to invest in them. They worked as a team, he was one half of a whole, and he wouldn't have it any other way. She was the driving force in their scientific team._

_When sleeping, she would mumble a few words now and then, her small mouth moving as she forms the words. He lay there looking at her, counting the seconds until she woke up. At 120,000 seconds, she opened her yellow eyes and smiled._

_"Good morning," she said. "Having fun?"_

_"Yes," he smiled, leaning into her and kissing her gently on the lips. "I was enjoying watching you sleep."_

_"Interesting," she replied as she returned the kiss. "Are you ready for today? Your big trip to the other world?"_

_"I'm…" he started. He had no words to describe what he felt. He knew he had to do it, he had to get help for this world, and he was their last chance at survival. But why him – that was the question that plagued him. He was a scientist, yes, but he hadn't developed the technology for the flight. He didn't need to; he had water reserves and the money to buy more. "I am scared to leave you here to suffer."_

_"Don't be. We will be perfectly safe. We don't expect things to get worst for a few more years. We'll be fine until you get back with help, I promise."_

_"You can't promise anything," he replied. "Nothing is predictable, everything can change in the blink of an eye. You said that to me once, remember?"_

_"We will be fine…"_

_Those were the last words she said to Ziggy before he left. Those were her last words before her death._

* * *

><p>Jim entered Ziggy's room without knocking, looking around until he saw the man laying on his bed sleeping.<p>

"Lights at 75%," Jim said. He grabbed one of the pillows decorating the room and threw it at Ziggy. "Wake up! I know what you did! Wake the hell up!"

"Huh? W-what?" Ziggy sat up on his bed, looking at the very angry Star Ship Captain. "What are you doing in my room, Captain?"

"What did you do to Spock? How could you do that to him?" Jim demanded. "I never slept with Spock. But you… you were coming out of his quarters this morning. YOU pretended to be me; YOU slept with him with my face on you. Why?!"


	12. Chapter 12

"It is quite simple really," Ziggy said sitting up on his bed, hands clasped together on his lap. "I wanted to encourage you to... Well... Declare your feelings for the man -er Vulcan."

"Feelings? What feelings?"

"The ones I can taste from all the way on the other side of the planet," Ziggy replied. "I usually stay away from visitors... Drive them away with my tricks because I prefer to live alone in my grief. But the moment you two stepped foot in Anthea, I knew."

"Knew what? What are you talking about?"

"The dreams only confirmed it," Ziggy continued, ignoring Jim. "I drugged you, Captain, and then I decided to help you. You should thank me, my plan is almost complete and you shall have yourself your-"

"You drugged us? How? Helping us with what? What are you taking about?"

"Getting you and Mr Spock together of course!" Ziggy jumped up from his bed and stretched. "You love him a much as he loves you, you just don't know it yet because _he_ doesn't know it. It's all complicated, I assure you. But it is the truth.

"I smelt it from that first step. I heard your heart beat increase exponentially when Mr. Spock came near you. The pheromones you produce are very ... Yummy. My race we... We long since learned to suppress them ... So the smell is like dilithium crystals to us... Or rather me since my people are gone. So you see I know you love him by the smell. And I know he does as well."

"You're making that up," kirk said taken aback. Spock couldn't possibly like him in _that_ way. After a moment he added, "Spock doesn't have feelings for anything let alone me."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Ziggy said. "I bet that if you go to his quarters... He'll let you in and sexy times will happen."

"Sexy times?" Kirk asked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I dare you, Kirk." Ziggy walked towards Kirk, his pace measured and intimidating. He clenched his fists, trying not to grab the man and shake him until he saw reason. He had to do this calmly, he had to do this right or it would never work. "Don't believe me? Go to Spock's room and prove me wrong."

"Prove you wrong? How?"

"Simple," Ziggy said with a smile, "don't sleep with him."

* * *

><p>Jim ran to Spock's quarters, bumping into crewmembers as he did so. He had to get to Spock before he lost his nerve. Ziggy was lying and it didn't take a Vulcan to know that. Finding out why required a Vulcan but at the moment the only thing on Jim's mind was proving the orange haired bastard wrong. Spock was <em>not<em> in love with him and he had _not_ slept with Ziggy thinking it was Jim. No matter how much Jim wanted that to be true. The alien was just playing with him.

_What for? What could he possibly have to gain by lying_? He asked himself. No answer came. Ziggy had no reason. The man was just lonely and this was entertaining for him. Jim had encountered many sociopaths in his life but this guy had to top them all. He was truly twisted, this one - a real, proper sociopath who enjoyed toying with others. _And I let him on my ship._

As he reached Spock's quarters, Jim slowed down. But even if he stopped running, his hands wouldn't stop shaking and his heart beating. Adrenaline rush or nerves, he couldn't tell as he raised his hand to Spock's door.

"This is it," Jim murmured to himself. "Let's find out the truth."

* * *

><p>Spock sat in the middle of his room, his breathing well below normal. He was meditating, his mother's vanilla candles burning on a nearby stand bringing him further into his mind with each breath he took. McCoy had given him much to think about. For a man so set in his old ways, the Doctor did have a surplus of advice to give out regarding what he called 'puppy love'. Spock did not understand that allusion but he had pledged to listen and think about what the Doctor said. And so, on his return to his quarters two point three-five hours ago the Vulcan meditated.<p>

He had a lot to think about, staying on the Enterprise first and foremost. He had slept with his Commanding Officer. He had broken Star Fleet regulation regarding Interspecies Protocols. But that was understandable since his "Intimate relationship" was with his CO and he had gotten permission to proceed. He was reading too much into it. It wasn't like the Captain was going to file a complaint about him. Spock did most of Kirk's workload, anyway.

_I would postulate that Jim has some feelings for me but does not wish the rest of the ship to know. And yet, he has made me feel – no, Vulcan's do _not_ feel - like just another one of his conquests. But it bothers me more than it should. I gave into temptation after weeks – no, months – of …_

Spock took a deep breath, letting his lungs expand as wide as they possibly could before expelling the air. It felt good to let everything out. He cleared his mind, trying to think of nothing and everything at once. He had to get rid of his emotions for Captain Kirk. He was Vulcan and Vulcan's do not feel.

"Captain Kirk… Kirk… Jim… T'hy'la…no!" His eyes opened as the last word left his mouth. He sat perfectly still, his whole body tense, as he tried to find out where that word had come from. It was not valid. Jim was not his beloved and he had no right to call him that. It was wrong… but it didn't feel wrong. "No..."

Spock snapped out of his trance as the cold air of the ship hit him in the face. The door to his quarters had been opened and there was only one person with the authority to do that. Jim. Spock looked towards the door and sure enough Captain James T. Kirk was standing in front of his now closed door looking dishevelled.

"Spock."

"Captain."

"We need to talk."

"Indeed."


	13. Chapter 13

James T Kirk wasn't a man of many words; he was a man of action. The moment Spock stood, his meditation robe flowing behind him as he motioned to his desk, Kirk lunged. It took Spock by surprise if his reaction was anything to go on. The second Jim hand touched the silk robe trying to turn the Vulcan; he was grabbed by the forearm by a strong hand and thrown half way across the room. An overreaction if Jim had ever seen – rather, felt – one.

"I - Damn it that _hurt_! - Probably deserved that," Jim said as he stood, hands in the air, the universal sign of surrender, and faced Spock. "But I have a very good explanation for what happened. Wanna hear it or do you want to throw me around a bit more?"

"I'm listening." Spock sat rigidly behind his desk as if he hasn't just thrown a fully-grown man across the room.

"Alrighty then, Spock. See what happened was-"

" - We engaged in coitus, captain, you need not remind me of it," Spock interrupted, one elegant hand raised to stop Jim from speaking. "I wish to know-"

"We didn't sleep together!" Jim yelled. "You slept with Ziggy who disguised himself as me!"

"Incorrect," Spock said with a small shake of his head. "I 'slept' with you not Ziggy."

"He made himself look like me, Spock. I haven't been in your quarters since our arrival."

Jim looked at Spock who had a look that vaguely resembled confusion. Of course if asked, the Vulcan would brush it off and say some smart-ass comment about not being able to feel confusion. But it was there, the glazed eyes as he tried to remember the little details and the slightly gaped mouth as he found them.

"What was his plan?" Spock said through clenched teeth. "He must have had an intention."

"H-he... He wants me ... And you..." Jim swallowed. He looked down at his shoes rather than the Vulcan as he rapidly said, "tobetogether." Jim looked up after a moment. Spock never took this long to say anything. They looked at each other. Jim felt the need to cover himself up as the Vulcan looked at him intently, as if peeling away at his mind until he was naked and bare. "I'm not lying."

"My silence was not to ponder whether or not you are lying, Jim." Spock continued to stare at him, brown eyes blinking slightly more than normal. He was trying to process things; the implications of what had happened were grave to say the least. "How did you learn of his deceit?"

"McCoy," Jim replied. "He backhanded me when my shift was over. Rambling something about me doing unspeakable crimes against you and how he expected that from the 'old' me and not the 'new' me. He said I'd slept with you."

"But you had not and your mind immediately went to our alien guest?"

"I've seen the way he looks at you, Spock." Jim stood. "I know that if I were to look at you like that you would cite regulations at me all day long. So, yeah I kinda figured it was Ziggy."

"You confronted him, I assume."

"Yeah. Well… mostly I threw a tantrum and he used big, vague words to confuse me."

Spock leaned forward on his desk. Jim rubbed the back of his neck, pacing around the room and feeling the Vulcan's eyes on him. Why was he here, anyway? He confronted Ziggy and, basically, did as the alien told him. He came to Spock and told him everything and yet, he still had questions. Jim turned to Spock and opened his mouth to say something.

"If we did not sleep together than why are you here?" Spock asked before Jim could say anything. "Why are you here, Jim?"

"I- he said," he blinked a few times, still wondering the exact same thing himself. " He said that if I came here I would find out for myself."

Jim bit his lower lip.

"Find out what exactly?"

"I don't know, Spock. He was pretty confident of it. He wanted me to come here," Jim motioned to the room and then to Spock, "and speak with you."

A pause. A long pause filled with an awkward Jim standing in the middle of Spock's quarters, taking in the Vanilla smells that the candles on a nearby table were emitting and wondering if Spock liked the smell or if it was just the only candle he could find on board.

"Then let us speak," Spock finally said.

"What about? There isn't anything do say really. You fucked Ziggy thinking it was me you were –" He stopped and took a deep breath. "I treated you like an ass during shift because I was cranky and worried. Ziggy wants us to be together and in his own warped way tried to make that happened and now here we are. Anything to add, Spock?"

"If I may inquire as to why you were worried."

"I- I was worried cuz you're n-never late. You are the only person I depend on to be on time and ready." Jim returned to his seat in front of Spock, tired of pacing around and trying to think. He looked up at Spock as he added, "I thought you'd died or something. I couldn't leave my post-"

"Why not? You've left the Bridge for more menial things."

"That's not the point, Spock. Lets _not_ discuss my failings as a Star Ship Captain."

"They are not 'failings', I quite admire your ability to sit on your command chair whilst mumbling the digits of Pi and doing paper work."

Jim blinked. He wasn't sure if that was Spock's attempt at humor or if he really meant it.

"Is that- I mean- th-thanks I guess."

Spock nodded.

"I have another inquiry, if I may?" Jim made the 'go ahead' sign with his hand. "What did you wish to gain from interacting with me tonight? Ziggy said you would find your answers with me, tonight. Did you not find it strange at all to be coming to my quarters this late specially after knowing that I thought we had slept together last night? Furthermore, did it not cross your mind that he was tricking you into coming here so as to be ambushed by me?"

"You wouldn't hurt me," Jim said with confidence. "I know you."

"My questions remain, Captain."

"I can't answer them, Commander." Jim looked right at Spock as he added, "but I know I didn't hope to gain anything that you were not ready to give."

"What would I be ready to give, exactly? Was there something in particular?"

"I just wanted to have a proper talk with you about what happened – or, rather, what didn't happen between us." Jim stood and went to the doors. "I should let you get some rest."

"Jim. I have something to confess."


	14. Chapter 14

Ziggy smiled to himself as Captain Kirk left his quarters. Everything was going according to plan – if a bit accelerated by Jim's discovery. He had intended to lead Spock on a bit longer, enough to form a real attachment to the Vulcan, before breaking it off. It would force him to confront Kirk whilst Ziggy watched on or was back on his planet safely away from retaliation. But now things had changed.

"No problem-o," he said to himself, sitting back down on his bed and running his hands through his sweat covered forehead. "Things are fine. I might just have to leave a bit earlier than expected. No worries. Mine is a large planet, easy to get lost in. Oh!"

It was then that phase three was brought into effect. Ziggy smiled.

* * *

><p>Jim waited for Spock to speak but the half-Vulcan just sat behind his desk and looked straight ahead. It was annoying. Jim had been ready to leave, to just drop the subject for now and go back to his quarters and regroup, but Spock had called him back, and for what? To just sit behind his desk, his hands clasped together like Sherlock Holmes.<p>

"Well, Spock, what do you need to confess?" Jim asked a bit concerned. When the Vulcan didn't reply, Jim turned back to the door and said, "see you tomorrow then."

"Wait."

The Vulcan's voice rang through the room, wavering slightly. Jim stopped but did not turn. _This is it,_ he thought. He thought back to what Ziggy had said. So far no sleeping together had occurred and nothing, nothing at all, had been solved. It seemed like Ziggy was wrong after all so then why did Jim feel like he had lost as well?

"I think," the Vulcan started, "no, I know that for the last few days, five to be exact, we have been avoiding what happened down on the surface of Ziggy's planet." Jim turned. "I wish to confess that I have not stopped thinking about our shared dream where-"

"No." Jim blinked, staring at Spock as if he'd grown a second head. This was not the time to think about that. "Don't."

"Jim, we cannot deny what happened in that dream-"

"- And I don't want us to, Spock," Jim interrupted. "But we cannot- I don't want to talk about that dream."

"We spoke of it only a few days ago," Spock said standing up and coming around his desk to stand in front of Jim. "What has changed?"

"Nothing has changed-"

"Then why can we not speak of it now? I see no reason for you to avoid-"

"I am not avoiding this-" Jim interrupted again, only to be interrupted himself.

"I have not stop thinking about our actions within the dream," Spock said taking a step towards Jim. His usual distant almost cold voice replaced by something Jim could not, or would not, recognize. "I have to acknowledge that the night you appeared in my quarters and press your lips upon mine I very much wanted it, Jim."

Jim stared at the Vulcan for a long time. Inside, he felt his whole body trembling, his heart going a mile per hour and his lungs seemed to have stopped breathing. Outside, he clenched his fists at his side and said, breathlessly, "but it wasn't me. It was Ziggy."

"Yes, but I did not possess that information at the time and had no reason to doubt that it was you."

"You didn't find it weird that I showed up in the middle of the night and kissed you?" The Vulcan shook his head. Jim held out his hands and took a step back and away from Spock. The Vulcan took a step forwards, not taking the hint that Jim didn't want to share the same breathing space with him. "You know what? This is exactly what Ziggy wanted. And I'm not going to fall for it."

"I do not understand."

"Neither do I, Spock, but I know you well enough to know when you are not being yourself." Jim walked to the door, stopping just shy of the entrance. "This doesn't sound like you, Spock. You're a Vulcans; you can't feel as you've pointed out a few times before. You can't feel anything-"

"We both know that is not true," Spock interrupted. "I seem to recall you becoming captain because I was emotionally unstable."

"Your planet had just collapsed on itself, your mother had just died. It is not-"

"I also seem to remember it was _you_ who elicited said emotional response from me." Spock took a step forward, enough for Jim to have to look up to see him. "I also remember the feel of your warm skin under mine as I held you by the neck and threw you against the console and choked you. I remember the memories that seeped through your skin and into my mind - impossible things that have yet to happen. The memories of my older self and his T'hy'la, his Captain Kirk and the lingering question of will we be that too someday.

"I may have embraced my Vulcan side but I am still half human and try as I might, you seem to be able to 'get under my skin' as you say. Try as I might I cannot help it, and I have tried, Jim. Which leads me to one conclusion and that is that I lo-"

"No." Jim said harshly. "_You_ don't feel that, _I_ don't feel that, _we_ don't feel that, go it? No."

* * *

><p>Spock could only stand in front of his door, mouth wide open as Jim left. As the doors locked behind him, Spock let out a chocked gasp that seemed to take all the air out of his body because he promptly fell to the floor. His knees connected with the harsh material, which seemed to snap his lungs into action. He stared at the closed door, unblinking.<p>

_So this is how it feels to be heartbroken_, he thought,_ fascinating._


	15. Chapter 15

Jim went to his quarters as fast as he could - quite fast since they were just about next to Spock's. Once he was inside, he locked the door with an override code and let out a long, breath. His legs wouldn't move, his lungs wouldn't work, his heart wouldn't stop pumping. He wouldn't blame his body if it just gave out from what a jerk he'd been to Spock.

_Not just a jerk, buddy, a gigantic ass with a capital A. And you know what? You deserve a lot worst than your body giving out. That would only hurt Spock more anyhow. You deserve to live and see Spock find true happiness with someone who deserves him, someone who loves him back._

_Not you, never you_, he thought to himself, shaking his head slowly, _because you are incapable of love. You say Spock can't feel? Guess who's lying to himself. You, that's who! You're the one who can't feel. The fucking Vulcan feels more than you do._

_Not that you'll admit that because you are Captain James T. Kirk. The man who saved Earth from disaster, the man who beat the Kobayashi Maru, the man who stared down a deranged Romulan and offered him mercy. Where was that mercy tonight? Where?!_

* * *

><p>Jim slept a grand total of two point three hours that night. By the next day, Jim was feeling worst than he had ever felt and that included the day Sam had left him to deal with his stepfather alone. He had bags under his eyes, loss of coordination and he didn't eat or shower. All he could think about was Spock's stupid face, those stupid blinking eyes looking at him with those stupid lips that opened slightly. Jim was loosing his mind… and it had only been <em>one<em> night.

Nevertheless, he headed to the bridge for his shift. Once there, he mumbled a good morning as he walked to his chair. Already there was a yeoman with a pad in her arm. He could always count on the yeomen to distract him. And it worked… right up until Spock walked in.

Jim had a habit of turning to look whenever the turbolift opened. For a small second, as the doors opened, his eyes met the cold stare of Spock. For that moment Jim could've sworn he was looking at a bona fide android and not Spock. Jim broke eye contact first.

He was ashamed. He knew it. Spock knew it. No one else had to know it.

Spock went to his station and not once looked back at Jim.

At lunchtime, Jim left as Spock remained at his station.

Jim left the moment his shift was over.

* * *

><p>Uhura was pissed. No, pissed wasn't the correct word. She was feeling absolutely wrathful. All day long she had seen the way Spock and Kirk had avoided each other. Not one of them had said a word all shift. The whole bridge was silent for the entire shift with nothing but mechanical beeps here and there. It was maddening. But then after shift, she cornered Spock in the Turbolift (after Kirk had practically ran out after his shift ended) and there is where she found out.<p>

There was only one thing to do. She needed the Doctor.

* * *

><p>Doctor McCoy was drinking on the job – not that anyone could see since he was in his office, the doors sealed and the sickbay empty. Today had been a slow day with just a few cases of paper cuts (<em>Yes, these idiots come to me for papercuts. I'm a doctor, not their mother!<em>), one extremely weird fellow who had turned his hand into an ice sculpture and an ensign with a previously unknown allergy to strawberries. But they were all logged, seen and discharged and now the good doctor was going to have a drink.

He was on his second cup when his door slid open and Uhura came through it like a tornado. She sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk, her long legs neatly together and her hands on her lap. What a lady! – He thought.

"What can I do for you -"

"Slap Jim upside the head."

"What that boy do this time?" McCoy asked taking out another cup and sliding it towards Uhura. He poured her a drink. "Did he flirt with ya again? I keep tellin' him that-"

"He broke Spock," Uhura said softly, her eyes watering slightly as she took the offered glass and took a sip. "H-he broke him, Leonard. Jim broke Spock."

"Like, literally or-

"Emotionally, literally, metaphorically, all of them."

"Ima regret this, im sure," he said. "But tell me everything."

* * *

><p>Damnit Jim, McCoy thought as he made his way to Jim's quarters. After Uhura's tale, he had felt obligated to check on Spock but he was in the gym working out his aggression and McCoy didn't want to bring up Jim when the Vulcan was in deep ninja mode. He stayed for a few moments looking at the way Spock moved and trying to figure out why the Vulcan hadn't just slapped Jim himself by now. Hell, he'd choked him out a few months ago! What difference would a little slap upside the head make on their already fragile relationship?<p>

He entered his medical override code to enter Jim's quarters with only a shout of 'Jim, you better be decent!' before walking inside. He gasped as he took in the state of the room. And right at the centre of it all, James T. Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, laid with a bottle clutched in one hand and vomit spilling from the corners of his mouth.

"Jim… what have you done?"


	16. Chapter 16

Jim knew what he was doing. He had done it before. It was called binge drinking and he quite liked having no memories for a few days. He had done it for the first time after Sam had died, and then again after his mother declared he was useless, and on almost every birthday since his sixteenth. He knew the risks; he wasn't stupid.

He had stopped once he went into the Academy, once he met Bones. The man barely liked anyone but he had liked Jim and the one rule he had imposed had been no binge drinking. His reasoning? "I don't wanna loose my wingman."

He might have gone a bit too far this time, however. He woke up to a headache, cold extremities and a bad taste in his mouth. Not good, he thought.

"You sure are a dumb bastard, I'll tell you that," Jim heard a voice say above him. He opened his eyes, blinking as the bright light overhead hurt his eyes. Slowly, he began to make out the Sick Bay, Nurse Chapel and a very angry Bones. "Dammit Jim!"

"I know, I know…" Jim mumbled. "I'm s-"

"I almost lost you damnit!" Bones yelled through clenched teeth. He made a motion towards Chapel, who left immediately, and then turned back to Jim. "Don't you ever scare me like that again, you hear me?"

Jim nodded and tried to sit up. His arms wanted none of that, however, and he fell back on the bed with a grunt. He blinked, trying to get rid of the colourful circles that were dancing in front of his eyes. Bones had a nice pink circle right in the centre of his forehead. It made him look like an Indian from the 20th century. Jim tried to reach out to touch it and Bones slapped his hand away, harshly.

"You promised you'd-"

"I know, I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?" Jim asked turning his head to the side and staring at the far wall. He couldn't even look at his best friend in the eye. "I just wanted it to go away. I didn't mean for it… I'm sorry."

"It?" Bones asked. "What 'it'?"

"Spock's face! I want his face to be erased from my memory."

"Why?" Jim didn't reply. "Jimbo, you gotta let me help you! Talk to me before you kill yourself!"

"I'm tired, Bones." Jim closed his eyes and waited for the sound of his best friends leaving. After a minute, Bones left but not before saying, "he's commed down here every ten minutes for the last two hours to see how you are. He's worried about you as much as I am. Stop bein' an pussy and talk to him!"

* * *

><p>Spock was on his way out of his room to head to the science labs when he bumped into a hysterical Doctor McCoy. Nothing was said as the doctor grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to Jim's quarters. He could have easily stopped the physical contact but something in the way the doctor's eyes looked at him made him want to follow him. And he was correct.<p>

Upon entering the captain's quarters, he saw Jim lying on the floor surrounded by vomit. The entire room was disorderly, even more than usual, and Jim appeared unconscious. The next few moments passed by so quickly that Spock barely had time to register them. He picked up Jim, carried him through the halls as Doctor McCoy followed, and not once did he leave his side once they reached Sick Bay. Doctors and nurses pried Jim from his arms and even then, only what Jim would have called a 'cheap-shot' hypo, made him give the unconscious captain over.

Spock was asleep a good twenty minutes. The moment he awoke, he demanded to see Jim. Doctor McCoy forbade it and sent him to his quarters. Spock went without a fight knowing that he would just impede Jim's recovery and so he went to his room and meditated. After ten minutes of failed meditation, he called down to sickbay for news.

"He is sleepin'," McCoy replied. "He should be up anywhere from ten minutes from now to two hours."

With that in mind, Spock commed sickbay every ten minutes for an update and each time getting a more irritated McCoy on the line. Soon, Spock found himself pacing, something he had never done before. He stopped that action immediately. Then, his heart beat increased after a fifth call and an announcement of 'I think he is stirrin' but not promises'. At the ninth call, his hands shook. At the eleventh, he nearly ran out of his room.

"Jim wants to see you," McCoy had said. "He is up and wants to see you."


	17. Chapter 17

_Three hours before…_

Ziggy had a plan. An I'm-probably-going-to-get-killed-for-this-by-an-angry-Vulcan sort of plan, but he had to do it, he _had_to. He began by going down to his planet with the new wave of leave officers. Once there, he went to his home on the southern part of the planet in an area he had masked and made sure no one wanted to enter. Inside his home, he went down to his wine cellar and picked out the best bottle of homemade wine he had made. Being alone in a planet for hundreds of years had it's advantages, wine being one of them. He had wines aged beautifully he almost regretted to drink them once in a while. This was an exception. It had to be done.

He then asked to be beamed back to the Enterprise. The reply took longer than he expected but at the end Captain Kirk had promised him asylum of a sorts and he was beamed back onto the ship.

Bottle of wine in hand, he thanked the chaps operating the transporter controls and headed to Kirk's quarters.

"I'm sorry," Ziggy said as he let himself into the Captain's room. "I have to do this for everything to come out. You must see the future I see. You must see," he put the bottle of wine down and took out a packet of powder from his jacket, "that without Spock, you are nothing."

* * *

><p><em>Sick bay… now...<em>

Spock raced to Sick Bay, stopping only once when asked how the Captain was. And even then he only stopped because the inquirer was none other than Ziggy. Emotions in check, Spock calmly told the alien that Captain Kirk was better and that he need not worry about the Captain. He rushed off after that, leaving Ziggy behind without another word.

As he reached Sick Bay, he stopped. Even if he had never before felt it, he knew he was nervous. His hands shook, or so they felt like they were, and his stomach was doing what he believed was called 'having butterflies'. Jim was inside. Jim who had practically died on the floor of his quarters because of him, because of what Spock had said. It was his fault that Jim had ended up in Sick Bay.

"My fault… I shouldn't be here …" he mumbled turning away from the door.

"Hey Spock," McCoy called out as he came out of Sick Bay. Spock had no choice but to turn back. "I was just comin' to get ya. He's all goo-goo for you and wanted me to get ya here safe. Like you could get hurt with that Vulcan voodoo hand thing you got! But there was no convincin' him, you know how he is."

"Affirmative."

Spock followed the doctor inside past the main area and to the back where the private rooms were. Jim was in the farthest and more private room. He was surprised to see Jim's name on a plaque by the door and turned to the doctor.

"Oh yeah! I put it there as a joke," McCoy explained. "That boy gets into more trouble than he means to so I though I'd reserve him a room. Though I think I might move him up to the first room… it's a bitch draggin' his ass all the way over here."

The Vulcan nodded. McCoy walked into the room, the doors sliding soundlessly in front of him, with Spock following behind, his stomach still in turmoil. Jim was sitting up in bed wearing a white shirt unbuttoned at the top that exposed a bit of his chest. Spock's eyes glued themselves to that spot for a moment until those rich blue eyes stole his attention. His eyes were beautiful it was an undeniable fact.

"So, ima be the mediator in this little domestic dispute," McCoy said as he tapped a code into the module by the doors. "Any objections?"

"I do not believe we are having a quarrel and therefor are not in need of a intermediary," Spock said turning his back on Jim to look at McCoy. "I am here at the Captain's request for what I believed to be orders. Nothing more, Doctor." Lies and he knew it.

"Is that why you ran all the way here, Spock?"

"I did not run, Doctor."

"I got complaints of officers getting injuries as an 'anxious first officers' trampled them over as he ran through the halls. I'm pretty sure this ship's only got on First Officer and I'm lookin' right at him."

"Bones… stop it," Jim's tired voice ran though the room, halting the response Spock was ready to say. "You can be the mediator as long as you stop being an ass to Spock."

"Fine," McCoy replied. "I'll only be an ass to you, you twit. Why the hell you go and get wasted for? You scared the daylights out of me and you almost got yourself killed!"

"I'm tired of dealing with shit and drinking helps me forget. I found the bottle on my desk when I got to my quarters. I didn't mean to …" he paused and looked away. "I'm sorry… I am."

"Next time come talk to me instead of drinking your way to oblivion, will ya?"

"If I may interject, what is the purpose of my presence?" Spock asked watching the two men uncomfortably.

"Jim needs to tell you why he ran out of your quarters last time you talked," McCoy provided, looking over at Jim sternly. "Don't you, Jim?"

"Ziggy said that to prove him wrong, all I had to do was not to sleep with you," Jim said. "When you were… confessing… I had to stop you, you see? I had to stop you because if you'd gone any further, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. And then Ziggy would have been right."

"Why not explain that to me? You could have explained the situation, I would have understood." Spock took a step forward, his eyes firmly on Jim. "I would have understood clearly if only you had explained, Jim."

"Yeah well, I didn't, okay?" Jim said rubbing the back of his neck.

"And look where that got you, kiddo," McCoy interjected. "Why didn't you tell him?"

Jim paused as if thinking over the question. Spock kept his eyes on him, not wanting to miss a single emotion as they passed by Jim's face.

"When the other me told the other you he loved you, the other you ran away. He ran away and tried to purge all of his emotions whilst the other me lived with the fact that he had driven you away. Seven years you were gone, Spock. And even before then, five years of pining and you ignoring. I can't be like that. "

"My alternate self has assured me that events will not occur the same way unless we make the same decisions," Spock said.

"In _standard _terms, he ain't that Spock," McCoy urged. "And you prove that you aren't that Kirk so what's all this hogwash?"

"The past always repeats itself..." Jim mumbled, looking away.

"Not once it has been rewritten," Spock said. "We are in a new timeline - an alternate timeline - one that has yet to have happened. One that is happening right now, Captain. What happened in that universe will not happen here unless we make it so."

"You can't know that," Jim insisted.

"And you can't know the opposite."

A pause.

"The Kolinahr." Jim looked at Spock, tears brimming his eyes. "You left me waiting whilst you sneaked off in the middle of the night and went home to Vulcan do study the Kolinahr." Jim's hands fisted with anger. "The other me thought you had been taken captive or dead. It was your mother who was nice enough to tell me what you were doing. It was she who thought it be appropriate to inform me of this tidbit."

"That is not me-"

"Twelve years, Spock, I loved you for twelve years." He shook his head. McCoy gave Spock a worried look as Jim looked away briefly. "And you know what? You came back and I didn't have the guts to talk to you. And when I was finally ready to tell you that I forgave you, you died."

Jim saw it in his mind. He remembered it as if it was he who was running through the halls trying to reach engineering. As if he had been held back by two of his best friend while the love of his life inhaled poisonous gas and died as his blood vessels expanded. It hurt then and it certainly hurt now watching Spock adjust his uniform and walk over to the glass doors, stumbling as his eyes glazed over. It hurt to hear those choked words – his final words – and not being able to say _I love you, Spock. Please don't leave me!_ All he could do was sit on the floor and watch as Spock closed his eyes and died.

"But you weren't dead, were you? No, we shot your body into space and you regrew. Your memories – your _katra –_ inside Bones' head, we found you. Even then, you slept with Saavik and seemed to have forgotten me." Jim gasped holding his head in his hands as a sharp pain vibrated inside his skull. He continued to talk. "We save you and the whales! And then – and only _then_ – did we talk. But then your stupid brother happened and shit got complicated. I never got a chance to tell you, Spock, how much you meant to me."

"Jim, are you okay?" McCoy asked stepping closer to him with a worried look. "You're talking nonsense."

"I'm talking the truth," Jim replied with another pained gasp. Every moment flashed in his minds eye. Every away mission, every dignitary who ever made eyes at Spock, every chess match and lunch date, every touch and lingering feel of his skin. He saw them all in his head like a giant flashback. "My … head… hurts."

"Perhaps you should rest, Captain," Spock said coming to McCoy's side. "I will come back later, once you have rested, and we can talk some more."

"Promise?" Jim's eyes began to close. Even so, McCoy got a hypo and sedated Jim but not before checking his pupils and pulse to make sure he was okay. Something was wrong with him, he just didn't know what. "S-sp-pock you pr-promise?"

"I promise, Jim," Spock whispered stroking the top of Jim's hand. "I promise."

* * *

><p>Ziggy heard it as a passing rumour - the friend of a friend of a friend saw it on her way to the scan the science labs. And once he heard it, he made it his life's mission to get off the ship before the Captain recovered completely. The only thing he had to do was go to a transporter room and beam down. Easy enough except for the big, angry and quite scary Vulcan who cornered him as he reached the transporter room. The Vulcan, not in a very nice way, ordered a red shirt to leave before turning his gaze on Ziggy.<p>

"Oh, shit," Ziggy mumbled to himself, trying to figure out if he could operate the machine fast enough and still make it to the pad in time to be transported before being killed by a blood thirsty Vulcan. No, he decided, I'm screwed. He turned on his best smile and asked, "What can I do for you, Mister Spock?"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO JIM?"


	18. Chapter 18

"Oh, my," Ziggy muttered as he looked at Captain James T. Kirk. Even in his sedated state, the man reached out blindly muttering Spock's name until the Vulcan went by his bedside and held his hand. Ziggy followed behind him slowly, not fully wrapping his head around the situation. So they had gotten together, reconciled at least, that was good. "Hmm… so what exactly happened?"

"He went ape shit that's what happened," Doctor McCoy said as he walked into the room to check up on the Captain. Ziggy turned to the doctor with a raised eyebrow. "That eyebrow don't work on me, mister! I know who you are and what you did and I don't like it. Therefor I don't like you. Now, you just get Jim better cuz I damn well can't figure out what happened and then scurry off back to your planet."

"I can assure you Doctor," Ziggy said as he neared Jim, his hands fanned out in front of him inches away from Jim's face. "I had nothing to do with this." He turned to Spock. "Can you tell me what happened or shall I infer?"

"Ji- Captain Kirk was found unconscious in his quarters three point one hours ago and taken to Sick Bay. Doctor McCoy informed me when the Captain was awake and I –"

"Yes, I know _that_," Ziggy interrupted. "What happened when you got here? How did this – him laying in a bio bed all dying like – happen?"

"Dying?" McCoy whispered. "He's dying?"

"Or eternally sleeping, have it your way. The point is, I need to know what happened. What led to his collapse?"

"He was recalling events that have not happened in this time line," Spock said. "Incidents that occurred in a time line that was distorted and developed into this one. It is difficult to explain."

"He had no knowledge that he was mixing the two up?"

"No, he seemed rather ignorant of our comments. Insisted that the time line could repeat itself and _would _repeat itself no matter what."

Shit, Ziggy thought, this is bad. Too much powder, I must be loosing my touch. He turned away from the men and said, "Okay I'm going to need something from my cabin down in Anthea… a bottle... Mr Spock will you get it or shall I?"

* * *

><p>In the end it was McCoy who beamed down to the planet and trudged through the thick foliage until he found a cabin. Spock had wanted to come but his hand was occupied being Jim's pillow and that left McCoy to do the dirty and find whatever in hell the alien who caused all this needed. He had instructions to the cabin but somehow 'turn at the funny looking tree' and 'when you see a pink seashell facing east, turn right' wasn't very helpful.<p>

But he found it eventually. But that's where the tricky thing began. Ziggy had no idea what this bottle looked like. All he could remember was some strange voodoo crap about it glowing the brightest against skin but being the darkest to the eye. If you asked McCoy the alien was playing them. He would rather be back on the Enterprise on their way to Vulcan with a mind healer, that is what Jim needed after, his mind healed. Spock had rejected that idea of course, not wanting to be the cause of breaking everyone's shore leave. McCoy suspected it had more to do with his father than anything but he wasn't one to pry into a Vulcan's business.

The moment he walked into the cabin, he knew he was fucked. Hundred and hundred of bottles were shelved along the walls and there were more of them in cabinets in practically every surface. A few even hung from the ceiling via thin glowing pieces of rope. There were different colours too. Some were white and dusty looking, whilst other were dark and smooth. He touched a few and felt the weight difference as well as the texture. Some were little tiny bottles, other giant industrial size bottles.

"This is gonna take a while…"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Spock held on to Jim's hand for dear life. It didn't matter that in Vulcan this was considered heavy petting or that Ziggy was intently watching their joined hands. All that mattered was Jim's safety and nothing more.<p>

"When did you know?" Ziggy asked from across the room, his long legs draped over the arm of his chair. Spock turned to him and blinked. Ziggy tried again, rubbing his face and running his hands through his coloured hair. "When did you know that you _loved_ him?"

The way Ziggy said loved, his tongue on his top lip and the slight twitch on the right side of his lip, but answered nonetheless. He had nothing to hide anymore. "I knew the moment I touched him during our fight on the deck. He was trying to emotionally compromise me by bringing up my recently diseased mother into our fight. He succeeded and I reacted on instinct. I attacked him and managed to choke him again the console." Spock looked at Jim. "I felt heat coming from him. Vulcan's have a higher body temperature so I knew that the possibility of Jim's body heat to be higher than mine was unlikely. I looked into his mind and saw images of many things - unspeakable, wondrous things. I have not been the same since then."

"That was… more than I expected but also very helpful," Ziggy said. "I think I know what's wrong and I think only you can fix our dear captain once the good doctor returns."


	19. Chapter 19

Doctor McCoy returned to the Enterprise confused and a bit worst for ware. He had gotten lost (again) as he tried to make his way out of the dense forest which surrounded Ziggy's home and back to civilization, or a cheap imitation of the aliens creation. He was an old fashion kind of guy and tried to avoid having his atoms spread across the skies as much as possible. But with some kind of plant jellyfish thing attached to his arm, five different unidentifiable scratches on his face and three bleeding tears of flesh on his legs, McCoy gave up and called for the Enterprise.

"McCoy here. Beam me up before I begin a forest fire and destroy this god forsaken place!"

"One to beam up," the technician said. "Don't move."

"Where else am I gonna go? Mars?!"McCoy muttered, rolling his eyes as he began to dissolve and reappear on the transporter pad in the Enterprise. He gave the young man behind the glass screen a nod of thanks and then headed to Sick Bay. The jellyfish trailed behind him as he practically ran, a black bottle in his hand. He made it to sickbay in record time and, pushing aside Nurse Chapel, he ran to Jim's room and declared, jellyfish forgotten, "I've got it!"

Ziggy turned to McCoy unimpressed and said, "what do you want? A medal? It wasn't a herculean task, you know. I could have beamed down and gotten it in half the time it took you, Doctor."

"Oh, thank you, Doctor! Without you beaming down to the _wrong_ coordinates and being attacked by wild plants and weird jelly things, we would have never gotten this black bottles to save Jim's life!" McCoy said sarcastically, holding the bottle out to Ziggy. "What now, alien?"

"Now, I drink it and meditate," Ziggy replied taking the bottle and uncapping it. "Bottoms up!" He tilted his head and swallowed the substance inside the bottle that had taken McCoy hours to find.

"You son of a –" McCoy cried out. "You said that was for Jim!"

"No," Ziggy said, wagging a thin finger in the doctor's direction. "_I _said I needed a bottle, _you_ implied it was for Jim. Now if you please," he pushed aside the doctor and sat beside Jim's bed, next to Spock. "Mister Spock I'm going to have to ask you to leave whilst I do this."

"What are you going to attempt to do?" Spock asked as he stood. "Why is it required of me to leave?"

"And why did you need that bottle for?" McCoy added, standing next to Spock at the foot of Jim's bio bed.

"I will attempt to do something my people have long since forgotten how to do." Ziggy took a hold of Jim's hand. "I will attempt to read his body chemistry. The contents of the bottle will allow me to drown out anything and everything besides Jim's life signs and body movements. It allows me to concentrate on each and every process going on in his body."

"How?" Spock asked.

"It is not a simple process nor is it a very pretty one which is why I must ask you, Mister Spock, to leave." Ziggy turned to the men, his eyes becoming white. "Leave us now. I will not harm Jim, it is my fault he is here and I will rectify this."

"Your fault? How is this your fault?"

"I drove you and Jim together too soon," Ziggy said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Jim was not ready. I must fix this…"

* * *

><p>Spock and McCoy exited the room and go to the doctor's office without a word. By now, word had spread of Jim's condition and people kept coming into the main room of the sick bay to ask about Jim's condition. McCoy had no time to talk to these people, not when his best friend was unconscious and in a coma. It was odd, that. How could one accidental overdose, because McCoy chose to believe Jim hadn't done this on purpose, take the life of his best friend? Hell, it hadn't even been a lot of alcohol! He'd seen Jim down bottles of beer without even blinking and wake up the next morning ready to ace tests and flirt with women. Shit is finally catching up to you, Jimbo, McCoy thought as he sat down behind his desk and sighed, or maybe someone had something to do with it.<p>

"Spock, what did you and Ziggy talk about while I was gone?"

"We spoke of many things, Doctor," Spock snapped. McCoy cocked an eyebrow at the Vulcan and stood, his medical tricorder in his hand. He approached Spock as delicately as an elephant approaching a lion, tricorder out and taking readings. The Vulcan pushed – pushed! – McCoy away with the tip of his fingers and said, "I am in perfect health, Doctor. It is Jim who is sick."

"I beg to differ," McCoy insisted. "Let me look you over, Spock. You were holding Jim's hand while I was gone. Maybe some of his madness went into your head. With your Vulcan fingers bein' all telepathic it could be possible."

Spock took a deep breath, his eyes closing for a split second before turning to McCoy and saying, "A sound analysis but I assure you I am in perfect health." He took a seat in front of the doctor's desk. "My heart rate is normal, my body temperature is normal. There is nothing wrong with me."

"And yet my tricorder says the opposite," McCoy said with a scowl. "Your body temp is ten below what you green blooded hobgoblins call normal, your heart rate is… 220 beats per minute. I'm not an expert but I'm sure that isn't normal, Spock. Now just relax."

"There is nothing wrong with me," Spock insisted.

"And I say there is!"

"Doctor -"

"Jim will never forgive me if I let somethin' happen to you while he's unconscious, so let me take some more readings." McCoy glared at Spock even if his words were not harsh. Spock opened his mouth to say something but McCoy cut him off, "You and him sure are alike."

"Excuse me?" Spock asked his head tilted to the side in curiosity. There were obvious differences between the captain and he, how were they alike?

"You and Jim," McCoy muttered, his eyes glued on the tricorder as he took more readings. "He never wants me to treat him, not willingly at least. I thought it was his stubbornness and cockiness but now I see what is actually is. Boy, you two really deserve each other."

Once again, Spock was not clear on what the doctor meant. "I do not comprehend, doctor."

"Neither does he," McCoy responded putting the tricorder down and sighing. "Well, it seems like I was wrong. You are all normal now. But you should go and rest for a bit. Meditate or whatever you call it. I'll even let you borrow my office because I know you'll just be calling down here every ten minutes askin' for Jimbo's condition." He shook his head. "You are just as annoying as he is, I swear to god."

* * *

><p>Six point three eight hours later, Ziggy emerged from Jim's room looking like he had aged ten years. Upon entering McCoy's office with the doctor in tow, he collapsed and almost hit the floor if it wasn't for Spock. The Vulcan has been meditating but had not entered deep mediation. He was aware enough to be able to sense when the doctor and Ziggy had entered the room.<p>

It took another three hours for Ziggy to come out of his sleep and even then he was too tired to speak coherently. In the meantime, Spock remained by Jim's side. Whilst he appeared to be sleeping, there were barely any life signs coming from his body. He was alive yet on the verge of dying. The way Doctor McCoy explained it, Jim's body was alive but something prevented him from waking up. He was in a coma and no one knew why.

Another strange thing was happening; Spock was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check. Twice he felt the need to cry, his eyes even becoming moist. But it was illogical to cry and Vulcan's had no tear ducts so therefore he _could_ not cry. But he felt the need much like the need he felt to touch Jim, yet another illogical thing.

As a Vulcan, Spock was a touch telepath, which seemed to be unknown to his body. Even if he tried to meditate, his hand would end up touching Jim in some way before Spock even realised it. He _had_ to touch Jim or else he physically hurt, yet another impossibility since he was not injured in any way. Finally, he called for Doctor McCoy, explaining his situation whilst holding Jim's hand.

"So let me get the straight," Doctor McCoy said. "Your feeling, like your _feeling_ feeling, and you can't stop touching Jim." Spock nodded. "Well that explains why you're fondling his hand like that."

"I cannot stop myself," Spock replied, sternly. "If I let go my body aches. It is not a physical ache. The pain is just present for however long I am without Jim's touch. I have also gone through a number of scenerios in my head and none seem-"

"You coulda just asked me," a voice behind Doctor McCoy said, startling the doctor. Ziggy stepped into the room, the door sliding behind him noiselessly. Spock should have been able to hear Ziggy the moment he came near the door, yet another thing that confused him.

McCoy and Spock stared at Ziggy as he made his way to Jim's bedside on the other side of Spock. The alien said nothing, his hand shakily reaching out to touch Jim's forehead like an old Terran custom of checking someone's temperature by touch. The room was silent for a few minutes whilst Ziggy did various things from touching Jim's hand and chest to checking his pulse and sniffing this neck. McCoy blinked at the various strange things but said nothing. Spock held on to Jim's hand harder and sat down.

Finishing up, Ziggy clapped his hands together and said, "He's broken. He then walked away, leaving McCoy and Spock to watch as he left the room. McCoy took one look at Jim's hand in Spock's and said, "I'll just go ask him what he means then since you're all busy and whatnot."

"Thank you," Spock said softly, his eyes back on the unconscious Jim.

* * *

><p>McCoy found Ziggy in his office, hands cradling his head. He said nothing to the alien; he looked guilty enough already. The question was why did he look so guilty and why was he trying so hard to save a man he had barely met? McCoy no longer felt anger (if one could have called it that) about having been sent down to the planet, bitten by a jellyfish (which he called Jim the Fish and was currently keeping in his quarters) and needing a skin graph for a particularly nasty scratch he had gotten only to get a bottle of something that did nothing but put the guy in a trance. It was basically a drug; any doctor could see a stoner - even an alien one. And yet, looking at him now, McCoy saw an exhaustion coming from the alien that only a guilty conscious could give. He was trying to save Jim and for that reason, McCoy got out a bottle from his stash behind his desk and planted a glass in front of Ziggy.<p>

"Drink up," he told him as he poured. "Doctor's orders."

Ziggy's head released itself from the confines of his hands and he sighed. He picked the drink up, downed it in one gulp and put the glass down gently, a small hiss erupting from his pale lips. His eyes, although strange to begin with, looked sad, remorseful even as he looked at McCoy.

"I'm sorry for all the pain and worry I've caused," he said. "I had my reasons but now they just sound like rubbish after all of this."

McCoy poured him another drink. "What reasons were those?"

"I've lived on Neukoln for centuries, alone with just my thoughts and memories. I've tried to recreate Anthea without succession. With all of my abilities and knowledge I've yet to discover a way to leave the planet." Ziggy cradled his drink. "You know of my past, yes?" McCoy nodded, remembering Jim's fascination with the alien that night after their return. "Well that's all it will ever be, my past. And then you came in your big ship full of wondrous technologies and stories of world like my own, of new people, of new everything. I might be an alien to you, even if my appearance has been altered to look human, but I am very much alive. I would be remiss of the joys of life if I wasn't overjoyed to be leaving this place for new adventures.

"I felt that the only way I could repay your captain and first officers was to show them what was obviously between them - their love for one another. My people cherished love above all else. I saw the spark between them, the shared loving looks, and the concerned for one another. In their shared dream state they even shared a loving moment. So once on board the Enterprise, I began my plan which has resulted in this disaster." He downed his drink and shook his head as he placed the glass down. "I beamed down to my planet, got a solution I made myself that would essentially bring all of Kirk's feelings to the forefront of his thoughts in hopes that he and Mr Spock would get together. But I was wrong."

McCoy sat dumbfounded. The dumb bastard wanted to get an emotionally unstable human with an emotionless Vulcan and expected no repercussions? Really?

"So you didn't expect your matchmaking to give Jim a coma and Spock all unstable?" McCoy said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "They might have some homoerotic tension between them, yes, but that doesn't mean they should be together. Jim is unstable at his best and Spock… well, he's a Vulcan, together they would be either horribly cute in a I-want-to-burn-my-eyeballs-out or in a never ending fight that will end up with someone dead or leaving this ship. You-"

"Spock is unstable?" Ziggy interrupted standing up from his seat and looking like someone had just placed a gift on his lap and he couldn't wait to open it. "Please explain."

Cut off mid-thought, it took McCoy a moment to think about the question. "I – he has been having these flashes of emotions and he has this weird need to touch Jim at all times. He says it hurts him to be away from him. Also, when we left Jim's room earlier, his vitals were lower than usual for a moment and then went back to normal. Why?"

Ziggy ignored the question, walking to the door in a hurry. McCoy followed the alien out of his office and stopped with him outside Jim's room. "Tell me this, Doctor, is a Vulcan's body temperature higher or lower than a humans?"

"Lower," McCoy answered. "Why?"

"Then why did Spock say it was higher?"

"He what?"

"Would Jim know this?"

"About Spock tellin' you-"

"No, about Vulcan's having lower body temperature," Ziggy interrupted. "Would he know this?"

"I don't think so… why? Does that mean something?"

"It means I know what is wrong with Jim." With no other words, Ziggy entered the room and declared, "If you don't mind meld with Jim in the next few hours and fix his shattered mind, not only will he be lost to us but so shall you."

"That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?" McCoy muttered as he came behind Ziggy.

"Perhaps, but true nonetheless," Ziggy replied.

"Explain your reasoning," Spock demanded, his hand still attached to Jim's. "I will do no such thing until I have heard your reasoning."

"Everything happens in a ying-yang, balance-out-the-world, what-you-must-do-to-one-side-you-must-do-to-the-other kind of way." Ziggy exhaled, turning to McCoy with a look that differed greatly from the man that had just been in his office. "I love dashed words!"

"I do not understand."

"Yeah," McCoy said walking around the alien and going to Jim's side, "Are you just talking nonsense or does this have a point?"

"I was _trying_ to say that Jim and Spock are having equal and slightly opposite reactions to one another. They are one."

"Wha- what are you talking about? They aren't doing anything, have you not noticed Jim, here," McCoy said pointing to the unconscious Jim, "is in a coma and therefor cannot do anything even if he wanted to."

"Explain," was Spock's only input into the nonsense Ziggy was spewing. "It is illogical to present the idea that Jim and I are having equal and opposite reactions without presenting evidence."

"First of all your shared dreams," Ziggy said counting with his fingers. "He dreamt you were in the bar the night he decided to enrol in Starfleet and he even took you to see the Enterprise all the while thinking nasty thought about you. In your dream, you did the nasty on your _anniversary_. See it now? His wish is your command."

"Ugh, I did not need to picture you doing the nasty with Jim," McCoy mumbled, trying to entertain himself as much as possible monitoring Jim's vitals –which strangely had begun to spike. He was also keeping an eye on Spock's knuckles, which had begun to turn white from the crushing force in which he fisted his hand.

"Second," Ziggy continued. "While you showed me around the ship, silently wishing for me to stop wasting your time and refrain from touching you, Jim here tried to get me away from you as much as possible. Third," he extended a third long finger from his hand, "you got your facts all wrong. Fourth, whilst I was in meditation with Jim, you experience a change in your vitals. As I entered Jim – in a totally nonsexual way – his vital also changed. Fifth, you're fisted your right hand whilst holding Jim's hand"

McCoy could see Spock wasn't about to ask what the last part meant, and he was curious himself, he asked, "So what?"

"Well, my good doctor," Ziggy said with a smile. "Jim is fisting his left hand whilst holding Spock's. Equal yet opposite reactions." He made a hand gesture towards Spock who took a step towards him, his fist completely white. "Now, before you punch me in the face, how about you mind meld with Jim and fix him before you both die?"

Why was it that in the end it was always McCoy who had to convince someone to do something? Ziggy ran out of the room after Spock (very un-Spock like) growl and looked like he was about to jump the alien and tear him to pieces. The doctor didn't want to have to clean up the mess and write a report about how the ship's first Officer killed the only living survivor of a now dead planet so he intervened.

Once Ziggy was out of the room, Spock calmed down enough to sit down and think things logically. McCoy sat down on the biobed and sighed. It was a horrible way to go at it, he knew, but he couldn't loose a best friend because his Vulcan boyfriend didn't want to mind-rape him. And it would also be a horrible scenario if Jim died because some alien couldn't keep out of other people's business.

"You know you have to do it," he pointed out.

"Have you informed Star Fleet command about the Captain's condition?"

McCoy opened his mouth to say no but nothing came out. There hadn't even been a thought about Star Fleet command or everyone on shore leave finding out about Jim's condition. Those not on shore leave knew Jim had been in Sick Bay for days now but, judging from the lack of calls, it hadn't spread to the entire ship. They probably thought it was another one of Jim's allergy attacks, he reasoned.

"No one apart from us know anything," McCoy assured him.

"I will do it," Spock said. "I will mind meld with him because I cannot deny that Ziggy made some sense in his listing of observations. I am not sure what I am to do, however. If he is as broken as Ziggy claims then there is much that needs repairing and I find myself inexperienced in a situation such as this. Normally, if a Vulcan experienced anything remotely like this, a healer would be called. I am not healer."

"No," McCoy admitted, "but you are the closest thing we have." He stood to give Spock some privacy. "And you and I are the only people Jim would trust to muddle around in his brain. I can't do a mind meld so it's up to you, Vulcan."

"What if I fail and he dies?" Spock asked, as McCoy was about to exit. "What if I make Jim worst?"

"You won't."


	20. Chapter 20

Spock looked down at Jim, his hands clasped behind his back. His option was clear: mind meld with Jim in an effort to restore his mind to it's full potential or let Jim continue on living, if it could even be called that, as a 'vegetable' as Doctor McCoy called it. It was a difficult choice but a clear one. He would rather be the assailant of a kae'at k'lasa (mind rape) on Jim than let him suffer with a fractured mind. Either way, Spock was going to enter Jim.

Nervously, Spock sat down next to Jim on the bed, his body turned to face Jim. His full pink lips that were always pulled up at the sides in a smirk were relaxed. His blue eyes were hiding behind his pale eyelids and long eyelashes. His chest rose and fell, giving the allusion of sleep. But Jim wasn't asleep; he was broken and only Spock could fix him. He leaned forward, his face tilted to the side as he continued to look at Jim. His hands reached for Jim, tracing the sides of his arms and going up to his shoulders and face. Spock touched Jim's face for a moment before positioning his fingers on Jim's meld points.

"Our minds... as one…" Spock said as a way to clear his mind and tell Jim about what was about to happen. From the moment his fingertips touched Jim's skin, Spock felt a current of electricity rush through his body. His eyes snapped open a moment later, his fingers almost leaving Jim's skin. It wasn't right. This connection shouldn't happen so readily. Jim's mind should be fighting against Spock's intrusion, not accepting it. "Fascinating."

* * *

><p>Jim was trapped. Every way he turned there was a wall blocking his path. He was blind, alone in a poorly lit room that seemed to have no end. He had – for as long as could remember – been touching the wall, following it with the pads of his fingers. After a while, he became dizzy and realised the walls were not the standard four-corner type of walls but a circle. Walls designed to trap. Which meant the only exit was either up on the ceiling or down on the floor.<p>

The ceiling wasn't within his reach so he started with the floor – crouching down on his knees and feeling his way around until his finger touched the wall. With his hands, he followed what he now knew was the circular shape of the room, feeling both the wall and the floor, searching for a gap between the two. He found none.

He was trapped. And it was his fault. He should have listened. He should have paid attention to where he was going. Hell, he couldn't even remember where he had been before waking up in the dark room with no corners. He just remembered the lonely feeling and the gap in his chest. He just wanted to get out. Now.

"God damnit!" Jim yelled. "LET ME OUT!" His voice echoed through the room, vibrating on the walls and coming back to Jim's ears. Jim sighed. "This is about the time where you come in and save the day, Spock…"

"Jim… Jim are you there?" For a moment Jim thought he was going crazy but then he heard it again. "Jim? Captain?"

"Spock?! Spock, where are you?! I can't see anything?"

There was a pause in which Jim held his breath as he waited for Spock to save the day. "You need to trust me, Captain."

"With my life," Jim replied instantly.

* * *

><p>It was nearly two hours before Spock finally left Jim's mind. His fingers dropped from his face, falling on the pillow beside Jim as Spock tried to rid himself of the final traces of his mind. It was a complicated thing – Jim's mind – not at all like Spock had thought. It was full of many wondrous things, many emotions linked up to memories that were in fragments and choppy. He wanted to remain there, safe and secure, to share and immerse himself in the magnificent mind that was Jim. But he couldn't and so, as he stepped away, he sighed. His mind would forever be trying to connect with Jim's, trying to re-connect with his mind.<p>

"S-Spock?" Jim's fragile voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Spock looked at the bed, watching as Jim sat up and stretched, his shirt pulling up slightly and revealing a bit of the pale skin that was hidden under his clothes.

"Captain."

"What am I doing here?" Jim asked, his voice back to normal. "What happened? Did I get hurt planet side again? Ugh, is Bones mad? I promised him I would try my hardest to not-"

"What is the current Star Date, Captain?"

"What?" Jim asked, trying to get out of bed. Spock took a step forward, stopping him without actually touching him. "Why aren't we on the planet? Did you send some scouts ahead?"

"Captain," Spock replied. "It appears that with your… injury… you have lost some crucial memories from the last few days. I shall get Doctor McCoy immediately."

Spock walked away before Jim could reply, hands clasped behind his back in an attempt to stop himself from shaking. Jim had forgotten everything. And, somehow, that hurt worst than rejection.


	21. Chapter 21

Jim lays in bed as per ordered by the very scary, very angry Doctor McCoy. Rather and be sedated, as he knows Bones will do to him should he leave the bed even to take a leak, he stays in bed and reads. It's been a while since he had time to just sit alone in his room (or any room for that matter) and read for fun. He liked books, always had, but being in space was like being inside a book, something interesting always happened at the turn of a corner. Why would he need books, old books printed on paper or those on his PADD, when he had a real-life adventure to get to?

He found himself unable to get into the story, however, even though it was one of his favourites and the most relatable to his current life. How would Bilbo react to waking up from a coma and not be able to recall the events that lead up to the event? How would he feel if his friends, even the elusive Gandalf, refused to tell him what had happened? What if he'd slayed Smaug all by himself and now had forgotten about it? What if Gollum/Sméagol had hit him across the face causing him to fall and tumble out of the things cave and hit his head? So many possibilities that clearly showed that James T. Kirk should not be allowed in a room, alone with only a book to keep him company.

He put his PADD down on the side table and sighed in frustration. _Why won't Bones tell me anything_, he wondered_. It couldn't have been that bad, could it? I wonder what I did, not even Spock has come to see me. Probably trying to fix whatever intergalactic mess I created before falling into a deep slumber that one my charming prince could wake me from. Which would... be ... Spock since he was the only person in my room when I woke up... whoa._

"BONES!" Jim bellowed as loudly as he could, sitting up in his bed and throwing off the covers. "BONES! BONES GODDAMIT WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"What in God's name do you want, Jim?" Doctor McCoy screamed back, trying to outshout Jim who was trying to get up from bed and failing miserably. McCoy ran to the man's side as he tried to take a wobbly step away from the bed, wobbling to the side before plummeting down. Luckily, he wasn't as old as everyone thought and the doctor managed to catch Jim before he could cause any serious injury, again. He helped him back to bed, rolling his eyes ad Jim complained like a five year old in the back of a minivan on his way to Disney Land nine hours away. "You just came out of a damn coma, Jim. You're body is still recovering, you can't get up expectin' to run a marathon."

"I just wanted to stretch my legs a bit," Jim corrected. "Maybe take a tour of my gran ship and see what's happening. That's it."

"Well you ain't going anywhere, mister." McCoy wagged a finger in Jim's direction. "You're gonna sit your ass down, rest, eat and read your damn books until I say so."

"What if I have to use the-"

"You call me!" Doctor McCoy checked his vitals before clamping a hand down on Jim's shoulder. "You scared the crap out of me, Jimbo. I'm just trying to make sure you aren't gonna go comatose on me again."

"I know, Bones," Jim muttered, "but I'm really bored."

"Maybe you should ring up the Vulcan and play some chess," McCoy advised. "He's been hassling me non-stop since you woke up - too chicken to come see you himself."

"Maybe I will," Jim said as Doctor McCoy left. "Maybe I will."

* * *

><p>Spock breathed in deeply, his chest puffing out as the oxygen entered his lungs before exhaling and feeling his chest return to normal. Try as he might, he could not stop thinking about Ji - Captain Kirk. He wanted to inquire about his condition once more but knew that - having already commed Sick Bay ten minutes ago and having a very loud, very impatient Doctor McCoy, once more, say that Jim was doing fine and he should just come down and see for himself - Jim was doing well.<p>

He didn't need to go see the human to know, however. He felt it in his mind, in his very soul that Jim was doing well. He could just about feel the edges of Jim's mind at the edge of his own. The mind meld had formed a temporary connection between the two and that was why Spock had left Sick Bay and immediately returned to his room to meditate. Jim's mind was too tempting, too great to be able to avoid without effort. Even after meditating for 14.7 hours, Spock could still feel the _want_ radiating from his body and soul, the _need_ to reach out for Jim's mind, the _desire_ to drown in his cluttered, irrational and completely emotional soul. It was overpowering.

But he had to at least try to close off the gaping hole that his mind had created in order to accommodate for Jim's ever-growing presence. He _had_ to close it off before Jim felt the connection himself. Once Jim felt it, Spock was sure he would be unable to resist much longer and then things would be truly lost – he would be truly lost within Jim.

His eyes snapped open when the chime from his COMM system sounded, interrupting his latest attempt. He elegantly got up, blowing out his meditation candles before making his way to his desk.

"Spock here."

"Heeeeey Spock. Wanna come over and entertain me by beating me in chess?" The Captain's voice rang out, enveloping Spock until he couldn't breathe. He had missed that voice, the way in which he spoke, the twang he preferred to speak in rather than to talk the way Spock knew he could. Spock stared at his desk, unsure what these new thoughts meant and unable to reply. "Spock? You there?"

"I-I'm here, Captain," Spock managed to finally say. "I - I don't think-"

"Great!" Jim interrupted. "Be here in five, okay? Kirk out."

Spock breathed in and out slowly. Meditation was not working; perhaps being in close quarters with the Captain would help. Logically, being near the source of his problem was not the way to solve it but he _needed _to be near Jim and this was a perfect excuse to do it. Later, once Jim was entertained enough, he could return to meditation and expel every single one of the thoughts that currently coarse through his mind, the very _human_ thoughts. But for now he had a game to get to and only 4 minutes and 32 seconds to get there.

* * *

><p>It turned out that Spock wasn't very entertaining at all. First, he had forgotten to bring the game board. Something Jim pointed out after a few minutes of staring at his Science Officer who lingered at the foot of his bed, hand behind his straight-as-an-arrow back and dark eyes on the wall above him. Jim had wanted to jump up and down and scream 'Hey! Spock! Over here! Look at me, Spock! I'm over here!' but managed to push down the urge and instead said, "Not everyone can play mental chess, Spock. Where's the board?"<p>

Second, although first in the list of most worrying, was the stuttering that suddenly invaded Spock's vocabulary. Adorably cute on Chekov, the stumbling and repeating of words did not suit the normally very succinct half-Vulcan who, very flushed and still not looking at Jim in the eyes, stammered, "T-the … boa-board, C-Captain?"

"We are going to play chess, aren't we?"

"Yes. Of course." Spock seemed to snap back into his body, nodding briefly at the wall. He turned without another word to get the board, leaving Jim very confused and worried. What in the hell was happening to Spock?

Third, when he finally returned, game board in arms, they play. At first, the game goes as Jim expected, with him loosing horribly. But then there is a change in Spock once more when, as he usually does, Jim reaches over stopping Spock from moving his piece by putting a finger on Spock's elegantly thin ones which hold the chess piece like it was made of glass. The moment their skin connected, Jim felt something pass through them - something hot and electrifying, something that had Spock pull back as if Jim had just turned into a Klingon, something that made the, normally balanced half-Vulcan, fall from his seat. The chessboard and pieces fell to the ground along with him, decorating the floor around the stunned Vulcan whose eyes were ask dark and wide as a cats.

"Shit man, are you okay?" Jim asked, sitting up from his bed. "What happened?"

"JIM!" Doctor McCoy's voice boomed as he entered the room. "I heard a commotion what-" he stopped when he saw Spock on the floor. "What happened? Spock, are you okay?"

It took Spock a second to react, clearly having not heard or seen McCoy enter the room, yet another alarming thing Jim was adding to his list of worrying's for the day. When he did see the doctor, he stood up with all the elegance he usually had, dusted himself off and stood up straight. He pulled down his regulation shirt and said, "I am fine, Doctor."

"It was my fault, Bones," Jim added.

"Whatever," the doctor muttered. He pointed at Spock and said, "I need you out. Jim needs another check up and I rather not have your nosy-ass in my way."

"Yes, Doctor." Spock left before Jim could protest.

"He's acting kind of odd, don't you think?" Jim asked McCoy as he approached, the doors having closed silently behind Spock a moment before. "I mean he's acting weird towards me. What happened during our trip down to the planet, Bones? Did something happen?"

"Look, Jimbo, alls I can tell you is that yes, something happened and that you should ask Spock about it, not me and not anyone else. If you want to know, ask Spock. Now lay your ass down and be still."

* * *

><p>Spock rushed to the quarters that Ziggy was confined in. They had two more days of shore leave before the Federation and, not-so-trusting admiralty would check in with them. They already knew about Ziggy, both Spock and Captain Kirk had sent out a deep-space memo when they'd first encountered the man and learnt of his background story, before the alien decided to mess with their lives. Spock couldn't worry about that now – no, he had but one thing in his mind and that was Jim.<p>

When their fingers had touched, there was a spark of electricity, which passed between them. If Spock were in his rational mind, he would have been able to explain this easily. But he wasn't. He just wanted answers and the only man who seemed to know everything was confined to his quarters until further notice.

As he approached, motioning for the guards to stand down, Spock prepared himself. The man had been responsible for Jim's current condition and there was no telling what he would do now that he was awake. His main goal might have been to kill Jim, hiding this by lying to the Doctor and Spock, hoping that Spock's attraction to Jim would be enough to distract him from finding the truth.

Attraction? Is that what he felt? It seemed like an odd word to describe what he felt towards Jim, not enough to accurately sum up what Jim meant to him. There wasn't a word in Standard that could encompass what Jim was to Spock. And there laid the problem. Should Spock want to, one day, tell Jim of his feelings how was he to do it if there was no single word that could explain the way Jim's voice made his heart race or the way his touch made Spock yearn for more? He couldn't let his mind stray, not now. Ziggy knew of this attraction and the alien was sure to use it against Spock to get whatever it was that he wanted.

The door slid open and Spock stepped inside, looking around until locating the strange alien at his bed with a printed book resting against his knee, a small smile on his face. Spock walked inside, the doors closing silently behind him and tried to put his thoughts into words. He didn't like this… he was Vulcan, not some bumbling human. Something was obviously wrong, now to find out what.

"Have you ever read Oscar Wilde, Mr Spock?"

"Yes, I have." Spock cocked his head to the side, not sure where this was going. "The Captai-"

"Ever read _The Picture of Dorian Gray_?"

"Yes."

"Then you will understand what piece of advice I shall now give you," Ziggy said cryptically, his eyes glued to the book. "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield it."

"I do not understand."

Ziggy sighed, tossing aside his book and standing up. He walked up to Spock, their stature nearly identical, and said, "If you want Captain Kirk so much – ah, ah, ah I know you do. You cannot lie to Uncle Ziggy! If you want him so much, why not just go and get him? You might be surprised and find out he wants you too."

"He's lost his memory of the past few days," Spock informed him. "He knows nothing of what happened between us."

"Better for the both of you, don't you think?" Ziggy asked biting his lower lip. "I advice you to meditate. Find out what that spark of energy you felt was, how you feel about Jim and, how you're going to put aside your Vulcan pride and declare your undying love for him." He waved a hand in the air and dramatically said, "Take it or leave it, it matters not to me. Leave me now, peasant."

"I don't-"

Ziggy rolled his eyes, a small sigh leaving his thing lips. "I am stuck here, in this room, for two more days. My only source of entertainment comes from my link to you, my telepathic friend. Entertainment which is seriously lacking … entertainment." He stilled, taking a step back and rubbing the back of his head, looking at Spock with mournful eyes. "All I've been feeling the last few hours is your pain and I'm damn tired of it. I shut you out of my head because you started screaming and I – I can't take your pain on top of mine." He paused. "I – I lost my family, my friends, and my planet just like you and all I had left was myself. But you, you have Jim and McCoy. They care about you, deeply."

"Why is this important to you? What do you get out of this?"

"I want to experience love again, through you I got a glimpse but _real_ love is hearing your soul mate say _I love you_ and saying the words right back without a thought." Ziggy smiled. "I want to feel that through you, Spock. I want to feel loved because _you_ feel loved. That's all I want. A voyeuristic love experience via Vulcan international airwaves."

"I-"

"No," Ziggy interrupted. "Just go and do what you must. I've given you my thoughts, once more. It is up to you to make things happen. Jim might not remember what happened but he will remember what happens next."

Spock left with more confusion that what he had arrived with. He needed to meditate and find a way to block out Ziggy, perhaps once he did, these very human thoughts would be gone along with the invasion of privacy.


	22. Chapter 22

**Warning: M/M kissing, some angst and an OC Spock. That is all.**

* * *

><p><em>Jim dreamt of a red sky with mountains far into the distance standing tall and proud trying, in vain, to reach out and touch the white clouds high above them. He dreamt himself sitting on top of a cliff, legs over the edge, and hands behind him holding his figure as he threw his head back with a sigh. The thin air made it hard to breathe, but not hard enough that the thought of leaving ever crossed his mind. He was home, why would he leave it? The thin air, hot weather and occasional windstorms was nothing as long as his beloved was happy. His T'hy'la. <em>

_That word, the very first word he had ever learned in Vulcan, the first word that Spock ever said to him in his native tongue, said with such passion and love, the word that encompassed everything and nothing at the same time; friend, brother, and lover. Everything and nothing of what he felt towards Spock. The Sherlock Holmes to his John Watson, the Joseph to his Mary, the … Spock to his Kirk. Spock completed him and that alone was indescribable. Not one word, not even such a word as T'hy'la, could describe what Jim felt every morning, waking up to Spock's dark eyes staring at him, trying to memorise every bit of him, with such admiration and love that it should be illegal. In fact, it probably _was_ illegal on Vulcan. _

_It hardly mattered to the usually strict half-Vulcan whose lips would twitch a fraction of a second with a ghost of a smile before he managed to cool his features, completely serious as he leaned down to kiss Jim as he did every morning. One single kiss was hardly enough for Jim, not even a thousand kisses would be enough for him, and so they would end up under the covers, kissing deeply, hands roaming each others body trying to find new territory for which to explore until Spock gave up and decided '_fuck it, let's be late, again.'_ Or so Jim decided day after day as he pulled Spock down for a kiss to beat all kisses. _

_Sometimes late would mean ten minutes. Other times, when Spock was feeling particularly amorous, it could mean hours. Fortunately for Jim, Spock had been feeling amorous more and more often. Jim wouldn't complain, their shore leave (although not technically shore leave since they did have duties) would be over in a few days and Jim would rather spent whatever time they had left in Spock's arms rather than in meetings with stingy old Vulcans who hated when he spoke over them or called them on their bullshit. _

_Spock was having none of that today, however, and it saddened Jim that their last evening in New Vulcan would be spent in the company of two-hundred year old Vulcan dignitaries and council members in order to celebrate the successful acclimation of all remaining Vulcan's to the new planet. Although not the same, according to Spock, Vulcans did not dwell on the past and wished to 'put the event behind them' something that Spock Prime, or Selek, was teaching them._

_He was still looking into the vastness in front of him when Spock came to stand by him. Jim closed his eyes briefly before turning to him, his eyes slowly travelling up the length of his legs and torso until their eyes met. No words were necessary; a flicker of regret in Spock's eyes was all Jim needed to see to know it was time to go. A hand reached down to help him up from his position on the ground. He smiled in thanks, grabbing on and allowing himself to be pulled upright. He didn't expect to end up in Spock's arms, his hot breathe against Jim's pulse as he words, "I'm sorry T'hy'la," left Spock's lips. Jim smiled, pulling back from the embrace in order to see Spock's face. _

_"Maybe we can deck out early and spend out last night here in pleasure rather than in boredom."_

_"Deck out?" Spock repeated, blinking as he tried to find the meaning of the word in his dictionary of a brain. "I do not understand."_

_"Leave early, Spock," Jim said, slightly amused. "It means leave early."_

_"I am open to such a suggestion should the dinner continue past the unacceptable hours." _

_"I'll take that as a yes."_

_"That was a yes, Jim."_

_"Exactly!" Jim exclaimed, one hand reaching to touch Spock's warn cheek before going inside to finish getting ready, yelling back towards Spock who was still standing in the same spot, as he put on his shoes. "You coming or what, Spock?"_

* * *

><p><em>When they arrived, Jim was stunned. In the few months that the Vulcan High Command had allowed (after confirming he was indeed who he said he was) Spock Prime – Selek, Jim reminded himself, he goes by Selek – to take over the Vulcan Reconstruction, the entire planet had mobilised. Crops were planted, houses built and roads created and, slowly, the planet became more and more homely and alive. Of course, it would never be able to replace Vulcan but, to an outsider like Jim, it came pretty close. To Vulcan's like Spock, and the few humans who lived amongst them, the planet was a cheap imitation of Vulcan. Their planet was gone, their old lives and history destroyed, their connection to the sacred planet severed and their homes obliterated. Nothing hurt more than seeing the destruction of something you love dearly.<em>

_Selek understood that and tried, not to simply replace the fallen monuments and architecture that once inhabited the planet, but start fresh and make better, much more durable, structures that could, should the need arise, protect all citizens from danger. There were subtle touches of Earth architecture along with Klingon engineering and of a few other species integrated into the building of the planet. Selek had knowledge of another timeline, of another time and place and he shared that knowledge with his weeping comrades and tried, in his own way, to make the pain ease by keeping them busy. The architecture he designed was new, innovative, beautifully breath-taking – much like Spock himself. _

_High ceilings with large arches leading to a glass dome at the centre of the new council chambers, overlooked the newly contrasted and decorated for a grand occasion, ballroom. The dome was made out of the strongest material known and very durable. The ballroom would, should there be a need, serve as a refuge and a landing pad for every Vulcan citizen. Selek, in cahoots with Scottie, had made it possible for the entire present population to be transported to a nearby planet where a new Star Base, at the request of Selek, was being built. They were being overly cautious according to Spock but he could see the hints of admiration and relief in his dark eyes._

_One day, when Jim was already but a memory, Spock would become the great man they now waited in line to greet. One day, Spock would smile in public, joke and laugh. But one day, the sadness that Jim could see in Selek's eyes whenever they saw one another, would also be there. The sadness he now saw in Spock's eyes whenever his father mentioned his mother. The sadness that would be in his eyes long after Jim's death showing Spock's never-ending mourning of Jim, his partner. _

_The line they stood in, one for guests to greet their hosts, moved. A warm hand on Jim's lower back snapped him out of his thoughts._

_"Hello, good friend," Selek greeted as they approached, giving a traditional Vulcan salute to Spock and a pat on the back to Jim. "How have you been? Enjoying your shore leave?"_

_"As can be expected," Spock replied neutrally. "Yourself?"_

_"Better now," Selek replied with a smile. He turned to Jim. "How about you, Jim? Enjoying the planet?"_

_"It's awesome, really hot, but awesome," Jim replied returning the smile. "You're doing a great job. They are lucky to have you."_

_"I'm keeping the council on their toes, as you would say." He leaned in conspiratorially and added, "They don't like taking orders from a half-Vulcan but I'm planning on changing that too."_

_"You show 'em," Jim cheered softly._

_"Indeed," Spock – both of them – said in unison._

_Jim had never felt more at home than with present Spock and future Spock. Boy, was he one lucky son-of-a-bitch or what? _

* * *

><p>Spock snapped out of his deep meditation with a start. Something was wrong. He felt happy, content, safe but most of all, loved. The emotions hit him like a tidal wave, one after another leaving him gasping for air. He stood up, trying in vain to supress the multitude of sensations that just kept coming at him.<p>

"Jim," he whispered hoarsely. It had to be Jim, the connection was there growing the longer they were apart, changing and adapting to the distance. It wasn't he who was feeling these emotions, it was Jim and, via the connection, Spock was feeling what Jim was feeling and it _hurt._

Vulcan's trained themselves to supress emotions for a reason, but what if the bond mate couldn't? What if, because he was connected to a human, Spock was now able to feel and therefor revert back to the ways of his Vulcan ancestors, violent and bloodthirsty? Impossible, he reasoned. The bond wouldn't have created itself if they were not compatible, whether the circumstances were forced or not. A bond didn't just forge itself out of nothing; the connection had to already be there, it just solidified it and made it more obvious, bringing with it other needs and emotions to sustain it. This was one of them, the sharing of emotions, which, like it or not, Spock would have to get used to. Unless the bond was broken which would cause much more pain than this, much more than when he felt the bond between he and his mother be shattered or the spiritual connection that was ripped away from him as his planet collapsed in on itself.

It would be worse because he already cared for Jim and being this close, the intimacy he had so desired a few days ago, would be severed and he would, once more, be alone.

But it had to be severed, if not for his sake then for Jim's. He had made it very clear that he did not share Spock's sentiments. How would he react to being unwillingly bonded to him? Would he be disgusted? Or would he finally see how Spock truly felt and realise that he felt the same way? Spock shook his head. He was thinking like a human, of emotions, which only half of him truly felt. His Vulcan side reasoned that, the bond was created and should be dealt with. Such bonds, naturally made without a healer, were rare, even if it was an accident. A rare enough creation like this one trumped all other thing.

Should Jim decide to sever it, however, Spock would oblige. He did not want to 'tie' Jim down, forcing him to take part of a bond that, essentially, opened their minds up to one another, taking away the privacy that Jim had always been careful to keep around him. He did not want to do anything that Jim might be adverse to. But for now all that mattered was getting to Jim.

* * *

><p>After changing, Spock headed to Sick Bay as calmly as he could, trying to contain the emotions he felt and supress them to the best of his abilities, which were many. He was doing fine for a while but the closer he got to Sick Bay - and therefore, Jim - the more <em>happy, safe, love<em> he felt and the more it hurt. These emotions were too strong and came at him too fast with no time for him to adjust between one when another hit. By the time he reached Sick Bay, his fists were clenched at his side, and his short nails biting at his palm from the grip. He walked inside, not bothering to greet Nurse Chapel as he did, and went straight for Jim's room.

The doors slid open soundlessly and he took a single step inside, took a deep breath and nearly fell to the ground. Jim was happy and he wasn't the one to give him that happiness. Jim felt save and Spock wasn't able to provide that secure feeling. Jim was loved and it wasn't he who could love him. A sharp pain in his chest, made him gasp for air, his hands reaching for his face as he shield his face. He felt so vulnerable, so alone but for completely different reasons.

Jim was within reach, his sleeping form on his side tucked under a single white cover. There was enough room on the bio-bed for another person and Spock was tempted to get into bed beside the man and share the dream Jim was having. If they touched, the connection would be doubled and he might be able to, should he mind meld, share the dream and look into what was making Jim feel so many wonderful emotions. It wouldn't be wrong… they were already connected and he would simply be making sure that Jim wasn't in danger; he had been in a coma only a few hours ago and it made sense that Spock would be worried for the safety and health of his Captain. _Except that didn't quite make sense, _the rational part of him said_. This isn't you_.

He didn't listen to that part of him, however. All he needed to do know was get up, disengage his hands from his face and take a few steps over. He did so without a second thought, his Vulcan half protesting loudly in his mind. The few steps he took were enough for more emotions to pass through the bond making him stagger a bit. He shook his head, intent on getting into bed with Jim and finding out what he was dreaming about and why he was feeling the emotions that now passed between their bond. He pulled a corner of the covers off, watching Jim's face for any signs of him being awake. Finding none, he slipped inside the covers, rapping himself in much the same manner as Jim. But now he was at a loss of what to do. He would have to touch Jim in order to mind meld - unless he could gain access via the bond.

He closed his eyes, putting his hands together and using them as centres to concentrate his breathing on. In and out, in and out his breathing went until all outside noises (including Jim's light snoring beside him) were drawn out and he was in silence. The emotional turmoil he felt was still present, he could still taste the emotions of his tongue, but, being this close to Jim, so close to the source, made it easier to silence it now that he had gotten partly used to it. Once this was over, he would need to purge. The overlapping of emotions would remain within him unless he didn't purge or created a strong enough mental block to seal them all in. A mental block that would never be strong enough if he was near Jim, if he remained as Jim's First Officer - the choice was clear, it seemed.

He put the thought aside and concentrated on _feeling_ Jim, feeling his essence, his being, and his very soul without touching him. The bond created a bridge and now he had to gather the strength to actually cross it. He took a deep breath and took a step onto the bridge. And another. And another…

* * *

><p>Leonard McCoy was not a man of gesture. He liked things to be said and done straight up as they were, no bullshit. Spock and Jim were bullshitting, circling around and crashing into each other without the slightest idea that they were doing it. Jim obviously cared about Spock and vice versa if the information he'd gotten was correct. All these two knuckleheads needed now was a little push. Well, maybe a <em>giant<em> push but not so big as Ziggy's. The alien had completely done everything in his power, or so he said but Leonard had a suspicion that he just didn't want to involve himself anymore not after what happened to Jim, and had resulted in a whole lot of nothing. But Leonard was subtler; he was a country boy after all. Subtly was his specialty.

Now all he had to do was get them in the same room and-

He entered Jim's room in Sick Bay, too busy thinking to notice someone else was in the room with Jim. Spock was by his side; or rather Jim was plastered to Spock's back, arms wrapped around him as if he was a fluffy teddy bear who scared away the bad dreams. Even with the lights down low, he could see a smile on Jim's face and, well, the same look Spock always had really, maybe a bit more relaxed. They were asleep, the monitor overhead confirmed what Leonard could see - the slow rising of chests, the slight snoring coming from Jim and a purring-like sound coming from Spock. Huh, he thought, I didn't know Vulcan's purred.

The doctor remained quiet; looking up at the monitor above the bio-bed to make sure everything was normal. It was and now it was time to leave, who knows what the two might do in their sleep especially when one of them is a touch telepath. Wait, he thought, Spock is a _touch telepath_, what in the hell is he doing-

His thoughts were once again interrupted, this time by a moan coming from the bed. He closed his eyes and shook his head. What luck he had indeed, coming in at the exact moment when one – or both – of them was having a wet dream, it must be his lucky day. Except that the moaning turned into whimpering and thrashing in the bed. Spock pulled away from Jim's grip, thrashing and howling in bed, head thrown back and body thrust upwards, his toes outside of the rage of the cover, curled in pain. Leonard ran to Spock's side, taking out his tricorder and checking his life signs. He was fine according to the machine and yet he was thrashing, crying out in pain and gripping the fabric of the bed tightly as if his life depended on it. What in the hell is going on?

* * *

><p><em>Spock doesn't understand and he doesn't like the feeling. He managed to enter Jim's subconscious, entering Jim's dream world by default, with little to no hassle. But now he was at a loss. Jim was sitting by his side, they were inside an old Terran car and yet, were he to look outside, he would see a red sky, large peeking mountains on the horizon and electric sands storms looming in the far reaches of the dessert-like place they were in. He got the feeling that Jim had never been to Vulcan properly, not enough to enjoy it's true riches. This was almost a cheap imitation of the planet. No, Spock thought, it's what most human's think Vulcan looks – looked – like. The air wasn't thin enough (though it <em>was_ a dream); the colour was off by a few shades and the sky was-_

_"Stop it," Jim whispered next to him, one hand on Spock's knee. "You're thinking too much." Spock blinked and remained quiet. How odd, he thought, turning to stare out into the landscape. But the hand, squeezing gently down on his knee, had him turning back to Jim. "If you didn't want to go home, you could have said so. I thought you gave me the signal but …" He hesitated, looking at Spock intently before continuing, his voice lower and vulnerable. "Did I do something wrong? I know I was a bit childish this morning, but I thought we'd made up. I thought we were okay now."_

_"Captain I-"_

_The hand moved away. Jim sighed, biting down on his lip as he looked away. "You _are_ mad." _

_"I am not mad, Jim."_

_"You sound like it," Jim murmured back. "It was stupid and it'll never happen again, okay? I apologised, you apologised, and I thought we were fine. I thought we-"_

_"I forgive you, Jim." Spock interrupted, not sure what Jim was talking about. "Have I given indication otherwise?"_

_Jim was silent for a moment, looking down at his hands. Spock reached over, hesitantly. Jim would credit the touch not to Spock, but to his dream version. Jim blinked, then stared up at Spock. His eyes narrowed for one moment but he shook his head and smiled. "Okay. Fine. I liked the dinner. It was nice to see the improvement. The colony has been making loads of progress; Selek is a good leader. He's amusing enough - for a Vulcan, I mean. Didn't you think so?"_

_"It was," - Spock scrambled for the correct word – "acceptable."_

_The remainder of the ride was in silence, the driver in front of them was listening to some tune in the old style radio and nothing else but the tyres hitting the ground outside was heard. Spock wondered what this dream was about, why would Jim create a world where they were together if he did not wish to be together in the _real_ world? It was illogical to create a relationship, one as deep as this one felt, in dreams and not want to pursue the same relationship with the same person in reality. Perhaps if he continued to play the part, he could learn what sort of relationship they had and then try to imitate it once Jim was awake. _

_They arrived home within minutes, hands still intertwined. Jim was smiling wide, all his thoughts concentrating on what he would do to Spock once they were home. He _had_ promised the Vulcan pleasure and the one thing Spock was stricter about than regulations were promises. He did not want to a repeat of last year when Jim had promised to get the science department new equipment and then forgot and given engineering the funds instead. He had gotten one giant lecture that left his brain sore for a week. It did have one upside; an angry Spock made the best lover. He was sore for a day or two after that as well. If he balanced out the pros and cons, the cons weren't so bad really. In this case, however, the pro was already on the table so why anger the man and prolong it. _

_Getting out of the car, Jim lead the way to their home, their hands breaking apart as he keyed in the unlock code. Spock stood off to the side, admiring the incredible detail that the dream had. The house was large, carved into the stone of a mountain pass, with large windows overlooking the desert plain at the bottom. The detail was very intricate, not something that Jim had dreamt up one night – no, this was a dream he built and added to constantly. A dream he made himself dream, or perhaps his consciousness made him dream. _

_Jim seemed happy, in this pretend relationship he had with his version of Spock. They had a fight earlier in the dream, Spock wasn't sure if that was what he had felt or if it was from the event they were coming from. Spock followed Jim inside, looking around and not paying attention to where he was going or where Jim was leading him to until Jim turned around with a smirk and pushed him gently against the wall. _Fascinating, _he thought as Jim began to lean towards him. Their lips were quite close when Spock found himself leaning back on the wall and away from Jim._

_"Playing hard to get, are we?" Jim whispered. "I can deal with that. Maybe you want to play a bit too…"_

_Jim was kissing him before Spock could even try to understand what he had meant. Soft, light lips pressed against his, the urgency in his words not showing in the way Jim kissed him. Spock closed his eyes and allowed his body to take over for the first time in his life. He had wanted this for such a long time, to kiss Jim – the _real_ Jim, dream version or otherwise – for such a long time. He had wanted to be kissed by Jim for even longer than he wished to admit it. And all it took was entering Jim's dream uninvited for it to come true. _

_His hands rested on Jim's slim waist, taking it as a starting point to begin undressing him. A wet tongue traced the length of his lip and he obliged the request for entrance, opening his mouth and letting his head be tilted to the side for a deeper kiss. He moaned loudly when Jim's hand touched his face, his finger gently making circle on his sensitive skin. With every touch his skin became hot, and the more he did, the more arousal he felt spread through him. _

This was a dream, _he reasoned as he pulled Jim's shirt off, breaking apart from the kiss for a moment_, I don't have to be the Vulcan I am in real life. I can be anyone Jim needs me to be. Someone he can love – someone he _does_ love.

_Fingers trailed Jim's body, settling back on his hips. Spock hesitated, not sure if it was the correct moment to reach for the buttons of Jim's trousers. He didn't know the procedure; he was playing 'by ear' as Jim would say. When he had had intercourse with Ziggy, everything had happened so fast and hurriedly, he had merely followed the actions the alien – who he then thought was Jim – had taken. But Jim was just kissing him, his tongue exploring Spock's, hands on his face. He was at a bit of a loss as to what to do, his brain taking control once more and alarmed blaring loudly in his ears. _

_Thankfully, Jim pulled away, smiling happily. Spock tried to smile back but couldn't quite get it. It didn't seem to bother Jim who reached for the hem of Spock's shirt and pulled it off as if he had done it a million times before. Lips pressed themselves to Spock's neck, planting kisses along the pale flesh and down his collarbone. He moaned as a tongue gently tracing the length of is ear, slipping the end between his teeth whilst his hand made a surprise trip to the front of Spock's trousers, palming him through his pants. _

_"J-Jim…" Spock moaned out. "Jim…"_

* * *

><p><em>Jim got down on his knees. He needed Spock more than anything right now; he ached for him more than ever. Sure, the car ride had been awkward but goddamit was Spock's anger arousing, something was clearly wrong with him but now was not the time to worry about it. Spock remained against the wall, head thrown back and eyes closed tightly. His hands were at his side but Jim had another place where they could go. He looked up at Spock confused and asked, "Are you okay?"<em>

_Spock nodded his head in response, his head banging against the wall as he did. Jim leaned back on his toes, not convinced, looking at Spock with worry. Usually he was more... responsive. By now his hands would be in Jim's hair, pushing him towards Spock's obviously erect center. But tonight, although aroused, as always, he seemed reluctant to engage, almost scared. As if this was their first time, well, first time after Ziggy. But that was crazy. They had been together for a while now so it couldn't be that. _

_"Jim?" Spock asked overhead. "Why have you stopped?"_

_"I-I thought you didn't want to do this," Jim admitted. "You don't seem into it all that much."_

_Spock extended his hand to Jim, pulling him upwards. Their eyes met for a moment, a tantalizing moment where Jim felt his heart was about to give out from the love he saw within those dark Vulcan eyes. Spock leaned down and pressed a small chaste kiss against Jim's lips and whispered, "Why don't you want this with me? Am I really that terrible outside this dream world?"_

_"What are you - " _

* * *

><p>Spock snapped out of the mind-meld with a yell, throwing Jim to the side. He sat up in bed, legs over the side, and breathed in slowly. Doctor McCoy was there, holding a glass of water for him to drink. He didn't ask any questions, the good doctor, and Spock didn't provide any answers. He took the cup, drank the liquid and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. His breathing was better now but his mind was still racing. The dream had been so … vivid. If that's how humans dreamt then he didn't want to dream.<p>

He didn't notice Jim had also awoken, probably from being tossed aside as Spock severed the connection between them. Doctor McCoy rounded the bed, a cup in his hand, to check on Jim. Spock stood up from the bed, explaining why they were in the same bed would be hard enough but if Jim were to figure out-

"H-how long?" Jim asked roughly. Spock stopped moving, stopped breathing, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He knew. Of course he did. He might portray to be a buffoon but James T Kirk was anything but. He remained quiet however, a very bad move considering Jim's next words. "I'm not stupid, Spock. I know you were there. How. Long."

Spock gulped. He squared his shoulders, his face on neutral and turned to answer Jim. "Since the car, Captain." He didn't look at Jim, preferring to look straight ahead at a stunned and confused McCoy whose mouth was open and eyes moving from Jim to him. "How did you know?"

Jim hesitated for a second, looking at Spock with a look of anger that bordered on murder. "You – _he -_ more… human."

"More loving, you mean?" Spock asked before he could stop himself. He would have to meditate and figure out why words were slipping from his mouth without consent. "He is me in every aspect but that. I can be loving, Jim. I can be everything you want me to be. _You_ are the one that didn't want to hear it, remember? Not me."

"Angry, are we?" Jim hissed getting up from the bed, ignoring Doctor McCoy's small protests. He rounded the bed weakly until he was able to push Spock to face him. Spock, reluctantly, looked at Jim. "How the hell am I supposed to know how you really feel about me when you _can't_ feel?"

Spock blinked, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion. It took him a moment before he replied, his voice softer than he could have thought was possible, "I feel more than you know, Jim."

He walked away, brushing past Jim and ignoring when he heard a gasp escape Jim's mouth. He heard McCoy rushing to Jim's side but he ignored that as he left the room, then Sick Bay, heading to his quarters. Jim knew nothing and yet he thought he knew everything. This dream had confirmed his feelings for Spock and now that he knew they were there, Spock would do anything in his power to make Jim admit to them. Perhaps his elder self would have some advise in the matter. He had, a long time ago, dealt with the same thing he was currently dealing with. Hopefully, he had figured out what he was missing.

But first he had to meditate and rest. He had first shift in a few hours and he would need a clear mind in order to work with Jim in such close quarters now that he knew his feelings were returned. Spock couldn't recall a day when he wasn't feeling something towards Jim and he wouldn't have it any other way.


	23. Chapter 23

**I've pre-ordered my tickets for Star Trek Into Darkness (Fan Sneak in Imax 3D) for May 15th. Have you?**

* * *

><p>Jim had fallen to the ground, his knees buckling from under him and landing with a hard thump on the hard floor. His legs had splayed out in front of him, hands helplessly reaching towards the bed to catch himself but failing to grab on. His eyes watched Spock walk out, his usual confidence betrayed only by his clenched fists. He gasped, unsure how his lungs operated within the tight confines of his chest cavity, his heart beating rapidly between them and stomach flipping over like a damsel in distress.<p>

Spock caused a certain reaction within Jim - that was not new. What was new were the wave of emotions, the _sadness_, _hate_ and _remorse_, he felt as the Vulcan brushed past him, his lips so close to Jim's ear and whispered, 'I feel more than you know, Jim.' Maybe, just _maybe_, Spock did feel more than Jim gave him credit for. But that did not excuse going into his dream and invading his privacy. Nothing could excuse that breach of trust, feelings or no feelings.

How could he even trust what Spock felt? How does a Vulcan know the difference between love and hate? They closed themselves off years ago and being half human won't change the fact that half of Spock will always be in emotionless. And that was what Jim was most scared off. What if one day he woke up and Spock decided it was time to stop pretending to be human and go back to being a Vulcan? What if Jim gave in and discovered that he did care about Spock and it ended up being an experiment? How could he risk that? His mother had met the love of her life and, when it failed, look where that got her? Strings of lovers, each worst than the one before, none who really cared for her or she for them and yet she continued because there was an aching hole in her chest and nothing to fill it with. He did not want that.

He might have been in a coma for a few days but that didn't mean he didn't recall what happened. At first things were fuzzy, everything muddled together and nothing seemed real. Once he concentrated enough, sorted out what felt real and what didn't, finding that everything, in fact, _had_ happened, he managed to piece together the events that led up to his coma. What had actually happened to give him a coma was still a mystery, blocked off by his mind as a coping mechanism, perhaps.

Jim concentrated on the facts, thinking back to the idiotic decisions that had led him to this point, on the floor, shaking and with tears threatening to spill. Only one word came to mind: Spock.

"Jim!" Bones continued screaming at his side. "Jim, are you okay?"

He grabbed on to the doctor, wanting something stable to touch, something tangible too feel against his skin, which felt red-hot. Spock was the reason for everything. He remembered yelling at him on the bridge, watching his neck and seeing a love bit marked on his pale skin. He remembered the rage he had felt, the need to rip Spock from his console and show him what a real love bite was. He remembered Bones dragging Spock away under false pretences and the look he got from the crew when Jim's eyes finally left the closed turbolift doors. He remembered feeling petty, wanting to rush after them and apologise to Spock. He remembered so many things and yet… he understood nothing.

"I'm fine, Bones," he replied with a wince, getting into the bio-bed with the doctors help. "I might have hurt my knees a bit, though."

"How's your head?"

"My head?"

"Yeah, that inflated thing laying on top your shoulders," the doctor replied sarcastically, pointing at him. "That head."

"My head is fine."

"That your new word? Fine?" the doctor cocked an eyebrow. "I don't know what the hell that green blooded hobgoblin was playin' at but, goddamit Jim, did ya have to yell at him like that?" Jim didn't reply, opting instead to look down at his trembling hands and wait for the advice and slap that was surely coming. The doctor delivered a moment later. "I don't know what the hell is going on with you two but damnit! We are on shore leave and we have bigger issues to worry about that a domestic fight between y'll. Get your shit together, boy. Or this this ship will be loosing, not only it's science officer but it's medical officer too."

Jim's head snapped to his best friend. "What are you saying, Bones?"

"I'm sayin' that if Spock leaves, I leave." The doctor shook his head, turning away from his patient and best friend. "I love you, Jimbo. You're like a brother to me but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep bringing you back from the dead whenever someone tries to get too close to you." He turned back, now at the foot of the bio-bed and looked at Jim right in the eyes. "I don't know what he saw in your head but, for a moment, when I walked in, you two looked so happy. Your arms were wrapped around him and this, this goofy smile on your face that I've never seen before. Jim, you were _happy_, happier than I've _ever_ seen you." Dramatically, he walked to the door and said over his shoulder, "Stop kiddin' yourself and go to him before he leaves and your stuck with a whole bunch of what if's."

* * *

><p>Jim returned to work the next day. How long could a star ship go on without its captain? He did not want to find that out. What he did find, however, was a nearly deserted ship with a skeleton crew and nothing to do. He sighed and wondered how long he had been in Sick Bay for. Shore Leave was nearly over and he hadn't enjoyed any of it. Spock had tricked him into taking leave and he had, due to a reason Bones was keeping a secret, fallen into a coma and nearly the entire five days had passed. Five days in a coma and he felt… fine, if a little pissed off for having missed leave and confused about the circumstances, which lead to the coma. Otherwise… he was fine. Now where the hell was the turbolift?!<p>

He found it, thanks to a young ensign, and walked onto the bridge, head held high. What little crew was there looked up and smiled at him. He gave each of them a nod and a smile in return, making it clear that he was back to work and everything was fine. He saw himself as a friendly sort-of guy who had spent enough time with each and every one of his crewmembers to know their names and yet, these particular people were strangers to him. His smile faltered for the first time that day. Some had happened to him. He turned to look at Spock, his trusty sidekick, his eyes connecting to the back of a head and not the dark round eyes of the Vulcan.

_Still mad, I see,_ Jim thought as he sat on his chair, loving the way it automatically felt like a second skin. Doctor McCoy's words came back to him; they had vibrated inside his head for hours after the doctor had left his room. He was right, Jim decided at the end. He looked back at Spock and wondered, _if I talk, will he turn around and look at me? Maybe if I feign being hurt, he'll offer to take me to sickbay and we can talk on the way. I have to do something, anything. If he won't make the first move then I have to-_

"Captain," Spock's clear, curt voice rang out on the bridge, effectively shutting Jim's internal voice up.

"Yes, Mr Spock?"

"I would like to get some work done," the Vulcan replied. Jim waited for him to continue, turning around in his chair to get a good look at the man at his console. His back was straight as an arrow, his broad shoulders tense in a way that made Jim want to go over and – "I cannot do my work with you staring at the back of my head."

"Oh." Jim blushed, turning away from Spock and avoiding his eyes for the rest of their shift together.

* * *

><p>During the silence, Jim made a plan. He would ambush Spock after their shift, demand that they speak and clear the air once and for all. Spock, however, had other plans. The moment his shift was done, the Vulcan left the bridge. By the time Jim had turned to dismiss the crew and welcome the next shift, Spock was gone, in his place another senior officer. He cursed at himself for not being quick enough to catch the half-Vulcan as he left the bridge and got set for plan B, which, as he got down to the mess hall.<p>

Another failure, he thought looking around the room and not seeing Spock at their usual spot. He resigned himself to eat by himself, waking to the food generators and punching in his code only to find that his usual serving of old Terran 'fast food' had been replaced by a salad and milk. Odd, he thought, Bones didn't say anything about changing my eating habits… well, not this time at least. He would have to change back the settings from his quarters without anyone looking. He wasn't a bunny, damnit! He needed real people food!

For now, he would have to settle. Jim loaded his tray with his food and turned, scanning the room once more. His eyes snapped to a lone figure in the back, hunching over a PADD and looking mighty agitated. He would have glanced at the man – if he _was _a man – and deem him unimportant, if it wasn't for the pointy ears at the side of his head. But he knew better. Jim smiled. _Gotcha!_

* * *

><p>Spock had left the bridge the moment his shift was over. He made his way to the mess hall, needing to observe his fellow crewmembers in order to determine the effect the captain's absence had cause on them, Doctor McCoy had asked him for the brief study and Spock, too interested in the results, had obliged. Jim was a social captain, one who prided himself in knowing everyone and being a friend to all.<p>

As illogical as it sounded to Spock, he made for an interesting case subject. Inflated ego, narcissism and stubborn were three key characteristics Spock would use to describe Captain Kirk. The fact that they were not the top three of an infinite list of traits meant nothing - even if the first ten or so were more observations that actual traits. How his hair turned blonde in natural light or how his eyes resembled sapphire stones when light was shown directly at them, for example, made the top of his list but that had no meaning in a study such as this.

_For science_, he told himself. _I must remain objective and_-

* * *

><p>"Hey, Spock. Mind if I join you?"<p>

Jim could honestly say that what he saw in Spock's features as he sat down without an answer was nothing short of surprise. The look a five year old would get at opening a birthday present and finding the last PADD with software meant to be on Starships. Wide eyes, lips parted and body tense as if about to jump up at any sign of danger.

"So..." Jim started. "How'd you sleep last night?"

Spock's hands left the table, dropping the PADD in his hands with a loud crash. Jim watched, fascinated, as the Vulcan's sat up straight and looked over Jim's shoulder before answering.

"I did not sleep, Captain."

Jim stabbed at his salad with a fork and sighed, ignoring Spock's formality. "Me either. I kept having this horrid dream. Wanna hear about it?"

"I don't think it would be appro-"

"You see..." Jim started, interrupting Spock and leaving no room for complaint. He was using his Captain voice now and god help Spock if he didn't shut up and listen to what he had to say. "It starts with me and you beeping down to this planet, right? It seems perfect in every way. Except that there is this sneaky alien who tries to get me and you to hook up, how odd is that?" Jim asked bringing the fork to his mouth. He watched Spock's eyes follow his movements, stopping at his lips. For the hell of it, Jim quickly finished chewing and licked his lips, a satisfactory smirk on them as Spock followed his tongue. "I think, Spock, that this dream I had tried to tell me something. Wanna know what it told me?"

"Captain, I-"

"My dream ended happily," Jim interrupted. He pointed his fork at Spock. "Wanna know why?" Spock remained still, not moving an inch. Jim smiled, shaking the fork between them and responding to his own question, "we ended up together." He paused, eating another forkful of salad. "How is that a horrid dream, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya, Spock." He leaned in close, pushing his tray aside. "Because it's not real. Not yet anyway."

"I must go, Captain," Spock said quickly, getting up from the table and going towards the door.

"Mr. Spock!" Jim called out loudly, not moving from his sear. The entire room quieted down, everyone stopped eating and turned to the Vulcan and Jim. "I wasn't finished."

"I do not wish to hear the rest of your tale, Captain," Spock replied, not moving another inch. His body stilled, he willed it to move but it would do no such thing. Jim had too much power over him - that was clear now.

"I've yet to dismiss you, commander. Sit down so we can discuss this situation further."

Spock took a deep breath, steadying himself before replying with a clear, "No."


End file.
